ME AND MY SPIRIT GUIDES

So, as a child I had a wild imagination! My creativity was just flying! This is why, today, I want to introduce to you few of my spirit guides. Oh, I have plenty spirit guides around me. Plenty, but there are so many that it is impossible for me to know them all. But let me start with few I have got to know lately.

One of them is Elisabeth. She is my Scottish grandmother. She is the one who is responsible of my "witch" powers. And I mean the good qualities, like healing and psychic abilities. She is always reminding me how powerful I am and that I should never ever doubt myself. She knows all the ancient healing methods and she is so willing to help me to discover them all. She is loving, kind and patient.

Then I have Muhammed. He is my Gambian spirit guide. He is gentle, kind and also very loving. He is tall, hansom and he has the most beautiful smile ever! He knows that I have been through a lot and he is always reminding me how we have survived through tough times together. He knows that I am loving, but strong. He knows that I am fare, but firm. He keep cheering to me when going get tough.

Only few months ago I discovered my connection to Egypt. A connection that I never knew I had. From this period I have a spirit guide called Karim. Karim is a charming and loving and he has these few same qualities as Muhammed. They both have this huge inner peace and patience. Karim is quite calm and quiet. He has this inner wisdom, but he only speaks when I am truly listening. Other wise, he keeps quiet. He knows why I am drawn to rocks and crystals. From him I have learned a lot about healing with different kind of crystals.

My latest spirit guide is Papa. He actually doesn't have a form like a human. He is energy, so he is invisible. Papa is so loving and our language is so called energy language. I was trying to look for his picture, so that I could show him to you, but after hours of looking, I gave up. I have an image in my mind of him and maybe you can create your own. For me he is this older man figure with white beard. Almost like Santa Clause. But. His beard is not quite that white. His eyes are so wise! He always has this peaceful smile in his face and every night he makes sure, that my day has been okey. He told me that since he doesn't use human language, he don't have a name. This is why I call him Papa. He is like a grandfather figure to me. He also said that he wanted to give a calling name for me and for him the Spanish word "Miha" (I am sorry, I am not sure about the spelling :o) was the most beautiful one. He said that he likes the sound of the word and it suits me very well.

So as I said I am surrounded by many loving, protecting and guiding spirit guides. Today, I wanted to have a chat with Papa. He is so wise! Of cause Victoria (my higher self) and Cynthia (my god fairy) wanted to be present too. Papa was telling me that the planet where he comes from looks a bit like Venus. It has a little bit of land and a lots and lots of water. The air is pure and the vibration of the planet is very high. He was explaining that he could not contact me before, because my vibration was not high enough. But now, as I have cleansed a lot of the old "density", he was finally able to reach me. "This is what I have been waiting for a long time!", he says.

"So what is our connection Papa", I ask. "Well, this is where you come from", he says. "This is your home". Wow, I think. How cool is this! "What does it mean?", I ask. "Well Miha, let me explain", says Papa.

"In our planet there is no human form or language. All is energy. So the way we communicate is different. We feel instead of using words." Oh my, I am thinking. How interesting is this! "Now Miha, I am asking you to forget all these words in human language that are causing separation between humans." "What do you mean?", I ask. He explains that words like spirituality, awakening, high frequency, black, white, vegan, yogi and millions of other words, they all are causing separation and boxes between people.

"It is time to let them go. You humans have to finally understand that you are all one. This means that you might feel what someone else is feeling. You humans call this feeling empathy. For us, this is very natural and this is why in our planet we don't hurt each other. Because if you hurt another spirit, you end up hurting yourself. It is the same with humans. The difference is that on earth, when you hurt each other, not only are you hurting the other being mentally, but sometimes you also hurt someone physically. This is a double pain for the whole collective. This creates a vibration that is lowering the vibration of the earth. And not only the earth, but the Universes too."

I have to sit with this for a while. Victoria and Cynthia are also quiet. They know that this is true. That it is truly time for us humans to wake up and start to create a more loving world.

Papa continues: "Every soul comes to this planet with a mission. This soul path have been planned very well before. In the Universes we wanted to create different kinds of forms of a human, so that we could see how humans react on things and to different kinds of people. We were surprised how fast the humans started to forget the loving way of being and living together and how fast they started to create the separation between each other. Now we are entering, one soul at the time, back to the time, where there can not be any separation between on souls. Now you humans are starting, finally, bit by bit remember, that underneath your skin, no matter what color, there is another soul. From the same source. That's all."

"It is like.... hmmmm", he is thinking.... "It is like we would put a lot of you humans into one room blindfolded. All different kinds, with different backgrounds and religions. From different countries and from different cultures. And before taking the blindfolds off, we would turn off the lights. What would you see then?"

Victoria is clapping her hands! She loves this idea! In the darkness it would be absolutely impossible to know what color someone is or what religion he represents. Yes, in that darkness, we would just be souls. Many souls in the same space just mingling with each other. We three (me, Victoria and Cynthia) love this!

"This is why you humans are now learning what unconditional love is. First you are learning how to love yourself unconditionally and then from there, you learn to love others the same way. This kind of love has a very high vibration and it raises the vibration of the earth too. Even the Universes. So as you are learning this, please, you don't have to take it so seriously. Even if some emotions you are feeling during this process are hard, always try to remember, that after all, you are here, in this earth plane, to enjoy. Not to suffer."

He continues: "If I may suggest, could you think of this earth as your playground full of different kinds of tool for self love? Instead of judging anything or anyone, could you get curious? Instead of judging any situation or event, could you get curious? And take all these people in your life, all these events in you life and all these things that you have (like cigarette, wine, food, religions and so on) as tools towards self love? Use them. Do it consciously. Choose wisely and learn. This is why you are here at this time. Only human form has this change to experience all this. So it is a unique experience!"

Oh, he has so much wisdom to share, but now, we will end up the story here. We don't want to share all his wisdom right away. We will allow this information to sink in first. I thank all my guides for showing up and Victoria and Cynthia of cause. This surely was an interesting conversation. I am excited to change my perspective and I am, for sure, willing to try and see everything here on earth, as a playground full of tools, as I am traveling towards loving myself even more! I love this point of view. It gives this self love process lightness and joy. And I know, that after hearing all this, I am in. 100 %!

ENERGY WORK

For the longest time, I have not been able to write anything. I have had this phase of being in my own cocoon and very very selective with who I want to mingle with. Mostly, I have been alone. I have needed this time for myself in order to get to know me more better. I can say I have almost mastered this "being alone" -thing. A thing that so many people are afraid of. But today, I wanted to have a chat with my crew: Victoria (my higher self), Roger (my ego) and Cynthia (my god fairy).

I have known for the longest time that the new way of creating my reality is from inside out. This is something we are, for sure, not used to. Before everything was created from outside in. Let me explain a bit.

So before the creation (some talk about manifestation) was done from outside in. Let me give you an example what this means. Lets say that I bought a car. This gave me the feelings of happiness and joy. It gave me the feeling of easiness and freedom, because now I had an easy access everywhere I wanted to go. Now we are all (even if you are not aware of it) moving into a new way of creating. This is from inside out. Meaning, I need to find all these feelings that I used to find from outside things, inside of me first. Lets say I want a partner. What are the feelings that this would make me feel? I would feel happiness, joy, maybe safety and so on. Now, with these new energies, I have to find all these feelings from inside of me before the creation can come into reality.

Before we were chasing the happiness from outside of us and the truth is, that this happiness didn't last that long, because as we got used to this outside factor, the feeling was gone. So, we had to chase another "dream". This created this hamster wheel where the joy was lost and no amount of results after this chase, could not keep us happy for long. It just wasn't that long lasting, because THE FEELING WAS NOT GROUNDED inside of us. Now, when we create the feeling first and "that thing" we dream about comes reality, our feeling will last. So no chasing happiness from outside, because we are already happy with or without "that thing" we want to create. I hope you get me? What ever feelings we are able to create inside, no matter what is going outside of us, we are more steady with our inner world, because no outside thing can effect our inner world. This is because everything that we need and want is always with us. Inside of us. So all the external things that "manifest" outside of us, are just a great plus!

As adult I have been quite disconnected from the feelings I had as a child. From that innocence, from that joy, from that freedom of not taking things so seriously. Remembering that life is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. I was not over thinking then. I did not analyse things at all. I was not thinking what others think. I had so much imagination and creativity.

So here I am. As a child. With my crew. I am sorry about my abilities to process the pictures, but this will have to do for now. I don't have the apps to do this more better and for me, this is a good practice to get away from "being perfect". I had fun doing this and that is enough for me.

I look at this picture every day. I look at this beautiful little girl and her beautiful smile. And sometimes looking at this makes me so sad. When was it that I lost the connection to her? When was it that I lost this pure innocence and joy? All these qualities are inside of me, that is for sure! I just absolutely love her smile!!

Victoria (my higher self) sighs. She remembers these days better then me. "Love", she says. "This is why you are asked to be at the moment. Can you imagine the amount of darkness that you have adapted through out the years you have been in this earth? There are so many beliefs and feelings that need to go. If everything would go at once, you couldn't take it. So we have to do this one step at the time. But since we have been going this for a long time now, we are getting closer and closer to freedom. To the true authenticity. To the core of who you really are. This is so exiting!", she says.

I get it. I understand what she is saying. In a deeper level I understand that I am finding my true self and that I am creating now a more steady, more fulfilling and more aligned life for myself. A life that I have never had before. As I said in the beginning, life is now created from inside out. So I am asked to be patience. Again. Blaaaaah! I hate that! Cythia is giggling. She knows that this is not easy for me, because I am for sure a action oriented person. 

Actually, all three of them start to laugh. They don't want to laugh to my frustration or anger of "nothing moving forward", but...... It is funny. I have to agree. When sitting here in my house day after day, waiting for something to happen and not being okey with what is. It is like I am fighting against this invisible enemy. And that enemy is my own patterns of doing things. So I am actually fighting against myself! And this, oh yes, it is funny!

So my crew is advising me to take it easy. To allow myself to feel what ever I am feeling, "good or bad" feelings. This is something so new what I am doing that there are no instructions to this. I am learning as I go. "Maybe", Victoria says, "you could try to take some lightness into this process. Some sense of humor. Get curious. And be proud of yourself, because not only are you cleansing all that is not needed for you in the future, you are also cleansing a lot of collective energies. This is how this inner process is serving the whole world and the Universes. Because everything is, after all, energy."

"What do you mean?", I ask her. And she explains. "Well. Let me give you an practical example. Everyday you produce garbage of some sort. Like empty bottles or plastic waste. Lets call these waists as "negative" emotions, words, thoughts and actions. If you are talking to someone nicely, the energy is light and clean. No garbage is produced. But when talking to someone with hash words or using violence, this produces negative pollution to the collective energies. When you are cleansing yourself from these old patterns, negative thoughts and actions, you are actually cleansing the whole collective energy from this."

"But isn't it so, that we will always have these negative feelings?", I ask. "Yes", she replays. "But the first thing is to allow them to flow through you and this way, they are not stuck in the collective energy. But instead these so called negative energies, well, they just flow through you and disappear back to the Universes and they will be transmuted back to light. And the second thing is the action. If and when feeling anger and you take action towards another person from these energies, it creates energetic pollution. If these "negative" emotions, negative as you humans call them, are used wisely, it actually is a bit like a fuel, the energies keep their balance and the energy stays light.

So lets say you get a "negative" reaction from someone. Instead of attacking that person with hash words or your fists, you take a step back, you sit down and you allow this feeling to sink in in order for you to understand why you get reaction. And only after this, you act if you still think that a action is necessary.  Maybe then you don't need to use hash words or your fists, but you can actually say something from a place of peace, but firmness. This process is keeping the energies in balance and there is no "negative" pollution produced, because this way every action or word that is done or said, is conscious. And sometimes these "negative" emotions are exactly the fuel you need to make the changes you are supposed to make. Eventually, when more and more people are doing this, cleansing their energies, there will be no need to sit with your emotions, but all is flowing easily and without effort. No more emotional ups and downs. Do you understand?"

Yes, I actually do. There have been so many people who have treated me badly and somehow there is this inner knowing in me how to act on that. Sometimes I just pull away, nicely and quietly and sometimes I have to say something. Not nasty, but just address the matter firmly: "No, this is not okey." So yes, I get it. And this is interesting. And it is new.

And now I also get it why the new way of creating something solid, is from inside out. We are transmuting the old energy into a new, more fresh one. Into more lighter form. This is also causing the collective energy to change so, that the old ways of controlling, abuse and violence, are transmuting into new, lighter and loving ways. Into more balanced and equal ways.

So I keep on creating my own fairy tail from inside out. Protecting my fragile light energy from outside forces as much as I can. And things ARE moving forward! Maybe not in a physical way, but energetically, in a big way! I will find this child like joy that I can see in this picture. I will be able to let go of "being so serious" and allowing myself to be more goofy. Second by second, minute by minute the energy inside of me is transmuting. So the process is on 24/7 even if I don't "see or understand it". "So let it flow lovie, let it flow", says Victoria. And so I will.

THE WRAP-UP

Today I want to honor my inner journey by remembering where I started, who I was before and where I am now. Today. This journey of finding my true self is not over for sure, but before the new year, I kind of wanted to sit down and write down all the things I have learned along the way.

I will not tell my whole story again. My history and another blog from the last four years, you can find here: PERFECT ENOUGH. More I just want to kind of make my own list of how I see fear versus love. How I used to live from the space of fear and now, what has changed when I do have a bigger perspective on things and how love sees things.

LOVE: Most important thing I have learned is to unconditionally love myself. Just the way I am. I respect myself and I am learning more and more about boundaries. I am authentic. I don't deny anything from myself. As I am conscious about what I am doing, there is no reason to deny anything. There is no need to listen anybody else. Only I can know what is good for me and what is not. Everything in this life is for me, a tool of love. If I feel like smoking a cigarette, I do so with full awareness of my choice in that moment. If I do not exercise, I am very aware of it. I am excepting all my gifts with huge gratitude and humbleness. I take full responsibility of anything I do or say. There is no judgement in me what so ever. I love the fact that there are different kind of people and different truths. I love the fact that we all have our own soul missions here on earth, it is so interesting. I understand the bigger picture and I trust my guides and the Universe 100 %. I go with the flow and I fully surrender to the fact that I am taken care of.

FEAR: I did not like myself. I was beautiful with a perfect body, but I only saw fats. I was busy and doing doing all the time. Pushing myself into more better results. I was not present. I got irritated so easily. I blamed others. I was mean with my words and actions. I was a perfectionist. I was kind of a "my way or highway" kind of girl. I was cheap with money and giving something to others was not easy. I had money, but I felt like I never had enough. I was possessive and jealous. I was a control freak. I knew how to drink, sometimes for days. I was talking bad behind peoples backs. I was judging. I wanted people to do thinks my way. I needed to push my point of view through by arguing. It was very important to me to "always" be right.

Don't get me wrong here. For sure I had some wonderful and funny times in my "old life". So it was not all about suffering and heartache. But even then, my joy was fear based. Oh, this is such a big topic that it is impossible to cover everything. But let me make it simple from my point of view, just in case you sometimes wonder are your thoughts coming from fear or love.

LOVE:
Just is
Accepts
Trusts
Goes with the flow
Is okey with not knowing
Respects
Has clear boundaries
Understands that everybody has their own soul journey and that each and everyone of them is as valuable as another
Inner power
Inner knowing
Own truth
Self love
Has sympathy
Has empathy
Needs no recognition
Is humble
Sees difference as a richness
Allows
Understands the bigger picture, the meaning of life
Knows ones souls mission
Is detached
From being to doing
Sees beauty
Bigger then any religion
Doesn't need boxes or labels
Feels
Is gentle
Has mercy

FEAR:
Is jealous
Is controlling
Is possessive
Is loud
Is cold
Is angry
Blame's others
Is a victim
Needs gurus and teachers
Does not know who true self is
Needs people to like one self
No respect
Needs outside validations like money, tittles, big cars and likes in Facebook
Needs possessions
Is scared of many kinds of things like diseases, death, bacteria and so on
No trust in life, but control
Not relaxed
Wears masks
Settles
People pleasing
No boundaries
Talks behind one's back
Has a lot to say without no action
Doesn't want to face the dark corners of one self
Wants to keep one stuck and small
Wants others opinions about everything
Not able to make decisions
Busy (because it makes one feel important)
Disrespect
Selfish
Needs to be always right
Needs to force one's point of view to others
Makes jokes from others
Is attached to people and places
Complains
Interferes into others life's
Gives advices without asking
Low self esteem
No self love
Is tough
Pushes
From doing to being
Labels things to good and bad
Plays games
Deceives
Uses others
Anger
War
Racism
Puts things into boxes and gives labels
Judges
Negativity
Misuses power

I feel like within these last ten years I have kind of awaken from a dream I was living and that I thought was the ultimate truth. I see now that everything and everybody here has a purpose. I can see the bigger picture. I am having like this view of a giraffe. Sometimes I look at my life and I can so clearly see the roles and the games I have been playing. It is not easy to change the things that I have gotten used to for so long. To start to think differently. To start to see things differently. To start to talk and act differently. Specially when nothing outside of you is not supporting you in any way.

We are so scared of being authentic and being rejected that we keep on playing the old games just that we can be part of the community or our families. I can't do this anymore.

I have decided long time ago that I will let my ego and my mind to step aside and I allow my heart and my higher self to guide me. They can see and understand things that I can not. Nor can my ego or mind. I do still question my higher self's choices sometimes, but at the end, I surrender. I know that my higher self will always guide me to the right places and towards right people. I still have fears. I don't think that they will ever disappear. There will always be situations where I have to find my strength in order to move forward. But I do despite the fear.

I allow myself to have my dark days as well as my crying days. I allow everything these days. I turn inside over and over again. If some days I look at other people in my life and I reflect something from them, I allow that too. But then I turn inside again. I am my business, no one else. I am willing to face my fears and I am totally detached from people. I don't need anyone to make me happy, only I can do it. I take care of my inner child all the time. I am not always happy with the emotions that arise, but I accept them. I understand now that I don't need to be happy all the time. We are thought that this is how it should be. That we should be happy all the time. But this is not true. Those "bad days" are just as valuable as "the good days". After all, they are just days with different kind of feelings, that's all.

I know now that I came here for a reason. I came here for something that has not been revealed yet. I just have this inner, deep knowing that this is so. I have learned to be patience and I have learned, that it is not always about me, when things are not moving forward, as I was thinking they should.

In my old days I thought I knew what love is. I thought I knew what freedom is. I thought I knew what joy, happiness and peace is. I thought long time ago that I knew how to let go. How to surrender. That I was not controlling anything or anyone anymore. I thought I knew what inner power is and what deep inner knowing was. Well let me tell you, that I had no idea! It is only when these things really hit the cord of you, yes, then you know. I had to learn to experience these things so deeply and it was not easy.

Bit by bit I am wrapping up my past. The places and people in it. I had a walk today by the lake we have here and I was thinking, that I have been living here about 30 years. I have moved away and then came back. Moved again and came back. So it is understandable that this process takes a little bit time. It is scary to let go of the place that has been such a big part of me for so long. So I need to allow myself to be sad. I need this time to let go. I need to go back to my memories of this place and the people in it, over and over again. So I am very well taken care of by the Universe. I am not forced to move forward until it is absolutely sure that I am ready for it. Divine timing.

What ever is meant for me, will be. I don't have to sit in a meditation for 24 hours for that or do huge manifestation maps in order to get what is meant for me. All I have to do, is be me. Trust that my higher self will guide me forward when it is time.

And so I am wrapping up the old and allowing the new to sink in. Life is a one big process, a marathon and we all signed up here voluntarily. Just like in the marathon, you don't give up, even though the going gets tough. You just keep on going, one step at the time. And the good thing is, that if I don't realize, that it is time to make a move, the Universe will organize it for me. So I can relax and just be. In the moment. Here and now and say my goodbyes as long as I need to. Cry if I need to. And in this way knowing, that I am just making room for the new.

PATIENCE REQUIRED

For months and months now I have been in a situation where nothing is moving. Or it is moving, but not in a way that I am used to. I am living this quiet life by myself. I haven't been in Facebook or any social media for a long time now and it feels great. I never understood how big is the effect of them in my life. It is just that all of a sudden every time I went there to see the posts, I didn't feel good. Actually, surfing in the social media made me feel worse and worse. This was so weird for me, because I used to enjoy seeing how my friends were doing and seeing their pictures. Now, totally opposite. I felt like nothing was real. Masks. No. And masks are not for me anymore. I go for authenticity. But, the thing is, as I am not surfing in the social media, I have a lot of free time in my hands. Oh, and no TV. I sold it. So now it is all about "back to the basics".

Oh my, patience! As a child how patience are we? As we grow up, we may learn this skill. Or not. I have never been very patient. When an idea comes, I need to go for it straight away. Even if all the details are not figured out yet. I always have had this child like trust that everything will work out. No need to wait and plan. Now I feel different. I am creating the rest of my life and for the first time, there is no rush. There is patience. It is required at this time. Because this is big! This is life changing for me. And so I need to allow things to unfold in divine timing.

Roger (my ego) tries to keep on pushing me forward. He says that this kind of staying still, is not good for me. "Saija, you need to do something", he says. "You can not just sit inside your house and watch Netflix 24/7. It is not good for you. You need to go out. You need to find a job. You need to see your friends, go out and have fun!", he continues.

Victoria (my higher self) says "It's okey to just be for now. You are not missing nothing. This is what self love is. Listening to yourself and if you don't feel it, don't do it. It is about trusting the process and having faith that everything that is meant for you, will come to you. So you are doing a great job love!"

I listen to both of them and I am again so grateful that they are here with me. But right now, I am listening to little Saija. What does she want? For too long she has been abandoned and not been seen or heard. More lately yes, but still big Saija needs to learn to listen and see this little girl even more. Her energy is so beautiful, joyful and light. She doesn't have these fears that big Saija has. She is not scared to laugh or to play. Little Saija just does it.

And so I ask her what is it that she wants. And she answers that she wants someone to play with her. That she feels alone. She wants to be surrounded with people who actually see her and accept her as she is. Unconditional love. So we take a imaginary trip to the future. We start to create our own fairy tale.

"I am sitting in my terrace and I am enjoying my morning coffee. Inside the house I can hear my husband making eggs for me and him. I am enjoying the view of the nature. I am listening the voices of the animals and my husband. I just love him so much! He is just everything I ever dreamed of. He is kind, loving, supportive, full of laughter and wisdom. We have our "bad days", but instead of fighting, we talk. This is something I have never experienced before and I love it. This feeling of safety that I have now. Because my husband is so in his own power and he takes responsibility of his own process, there is no need to fight and shout anymore. But to talk and take a step back if needed. I don't need to feel insecure, because he is showing me his love in so many ways.

I hear my phone ringing inside the house. I run inside and answer it. It is Oprah. She wants me to come to the show and talk about the new ways of spirituality. She wants me to share the wisdom that I have gained in my journey. We set up a date for a meeting and my husband comes from the kitchen. I tell him that we will be taken to Chicago after one week. We start to laugh and jump up and down. Unbelievable! We are going to Oprah show! Huge, huge dream come true!

But today. Today we are going to a school where we are, together, going to talk about self love and self empowerment for the youngsters. We want to share our perspective on how we learned to face our fears and how we learned to love ourselves. And from there each other. We are so excited to do this. And nervous at the same time.

Life has been interesting for us ever since we met. We decided to sell almost all our possessions and we bought this caravan. Now we have our home always with us and we can park it in these most beautiful places! We move the caravan when we want to and stay as long as we feel. We are so living in the moment! We both just absolutely love it!

We have been making money for a long time now and we are doing well. Still, we want to keep our living very simple and close to the nature. The only thing that I wanted was a good toilet and shower. We love this life style so much and the caravan is easy to park when ever we are taken to interviews and our lectures all over the world. We are so totally the citizens of the world! No limits!

We only have a hand full of good friends and we normally go and have dinner together as often as we can. We love those moments! We are finally surrounded by people where we just are. No demands, no expectations, no guilt, no people pleasing. Just total acceptance.

My husband has his own hobbies as I do have mine. He has his own friends and things he likes to do. But he also loves to be home with me. We laugh a lot and yes, we have sex a lot! We are sharing this sense of humor together and when we are keeping our talks in the schools, we do it with lightness and with joy. We kind of have come back to the child like energy and now we don't care what others think of this. We just enjoy life and it's small gifts that we are seeing and experiencing every day. We are doing the things that we came to this earth to do and we are so honored to be part of this change in the world. Our love is changing the people we meet. It is changing us. We could have never ever believed that this is possible. Not in a million years!

so I finally have someone to play with. And one of my biggest dreams is about to come true, because I have just given my first fairy tail book to adults to the publisher. What more can I ask for?!"

I tell to Victoria and Roger that I love this fairy tail! It sounds so beautiful! For sure, after letting go of so many things and people, it would be so nice to experience something like this. A dream life. Where there is no "one land is your home", but the whole world is the playground!

Victoria says "Love, everything is possible. You just have to be patience. That's all. It is because of this dream, you have gone through this inner journey. "the old Saija" with all of her fears could have never ever enjoyed this kind of dream even if it would have come true, because she would have found trouble even the smallest thing. Why? Because of the fears. Of getting abandoned, of getting rejected, of not being good enough, of not being powerful enough, of not being beautiful enough. Now you know better, don't you. Anything is possible, just remember this."

And so I keep on daydreaming of this, because deep inside of me, I know. I know so many things even though nothing is showing up in the outside world. But here comes that patience again. There has been many things that big Saija had to learn along this journey, patience too. But this is also something, this patience, that little Saija has to learn now. And she is okey with it. She is in big Saija's arms and together they are traveling towards this dream. And we will get there. When all the peaces of the puzzle are ready. When the divine timing is right. Until then, we practice patience.

LOVE LANGUAGE

We all know the fairy tale of Cinderella, don't we? I was just thinking that what if the three stepsisters would talk to her like this: "Hey you bitch, what the fuck are you doing? Get your ass out of here bitch and go and clean the floors or something! BITCH!" How does this sound to you?!? What would your child say if you would read a night time story like this to him/her?

Me and Victoria (my higher self) had a chat this morning, because I wanted to ask her opinion about the way people talk to each other these days. I have been watching different kinds of Tarot Card readings from Y-Tube and listening to songs too of cause. Somehow the language that are used these days kind of trembles me a bit. When did it come common to use words like "bitch" when you see your best friend? What if these words would be used in the fairy tales we read to our children? Why is it okey for us adults to call someone a bitch, but then we forbid these words from our kids? Why is it okey to say in your channel "if you don't like it, get the fuck out of here bitch"? WHAT? I kind of get it, but then again I don't. And even if I have liked the reading, I will not go back to this channel again. This energy is not my energy for sure.

Don't get me wrong. I do curse a lot! I use "fuck" a lot and all of us, we have to speak as we feel is fit to us! But it is like I have this inner, huge huge, respect towards myself (and from that space to others) and I have had it now for a long time, that I don't call myself "bitch" or would I call someone else with this word. I could never say to someone "Fuck you!". I used to could, but not anymore. Now I would feel awful if I would speak to someone like this. When did it come normal to use these words the same way as we use "hello" and why don't we even react if someone is saying these words to us?

As I look at this picture and this cute little girl (I used to was her), I can not imagine her using this kind of language. Or calling her "a bitch". I have to ask Victoria about this. She starts by saying that for decades we have been living under the fear energy and under the miss use of masculine power. All these words come because of this. Fear wants to be disrespectful. Fear wants to control by words and actions. Fear wants to hurt you with words and actions. We, as humans, have forgotten what love feels like and what kind of words it uses. It does not matter if we try to disguise the words with humor or tell our selves that these words don't mean nothing. It is just a word. We might use a million different excuses to use them. But Victoria reminds me, that this is the language of fear, not love.

Unconditional love is powerful just as it is and it doesn't need these kind of hush words at all. It is only when there are still work to be done within your self and your self love, when you keep on using words like this. There are still fears inside of you that come out with this kind of harshness. All these words are created by fear based ego.

Victoria also reminds me that always when we talk to people, we actually talk to ourselves. Others are just a reflection of how we speak and see ourselves. So when you call someone "a bitch", you actually are talking to yourself this way. Same thing when you shout someone "fuck you". The only thing that this is telling is the lack of self love that you still have for yourself. You can only talk to others as you talk to your self. "So yes", says Victoria. "These hash words are the product of the fear based world that we have been living in for so long".

I am thanking her for her comments and at the same time I realize why I don't ever use the word "bitch" when I talk to me or to someone else. I use words like love, lovie or darling. It just comes out so naturally for me. Now I understand that I have had this inner build respect for myself and others already for a long time! And today it is more clear to me then ever. I would never ever call a child "a bitch" and for me, adults are no different. I would never say to a child "fuck you" and for me, adults are no different. After all, inside of us lives this little girl or boy who is waiting to be loved, respected and cherished. I was born into this world innocent and pure and after the awakening and getting more deeper into self love, I just could not imagine using hash words like this.

Well, I say to Victoria that for sure we have to respect all beings just the way they are. So no judgement here! Just something I wanted to ponder about, since it is not so natural to me. Me and Victoria just want to remind you about your inner little girl or boy. Just keep her/him in mind the next time you use hash words towards yourself or someone else. And take a look at your own son or daughter. With these words, are you teaching them love or fear? What is your message to your own inner child as well as to your own kids?

Me, I will keep on loving myself and others no matter how you speak. You might not get very close to my personal life with this kind of language, but I do surely love you from the distance. After all, it is all about unconditional love and this is what we are all learning here in our own ways and in our own pace.

FOCUS ON JOY

Alright. So here we are. In front of the new. Last post was about me realizing that I am already living my dream life. Big shift in my consciousness. Higher I fly! I have known that the higher level of consciousness is about joy. I have had glimpses of how it feels like, but then there comes a day where I dive into the depths of emotions again, feeling anxiety and frustration. But like I said, something has shifted big time. Ever since this realization that I am living my dream, these lower vibration days has not come anymore. It is like I can not go back into this low energies.

Yesterday me and my crew, Victoria (my higher self), Roger (my ego) and Cynthia (my god fairy), were sitting in a candle light in our current home and we were enjoying our Sunday lazy time. I have just got my new Tarot Card deck and I was very excited to check them out. I was like a kid in a candy store! I just love them so much and it is amazing how the story always unfolds just right. And Cynthia is now reminding me that I have to give myself a credit too about my own intuition and knowing. She means that I can read the cards so well. Thank you lovely Cynthia, you are very correct! I can!

As I was going through the cards, Victoria reminds me about me, when I was a child. She is asking me if I remember how amazing my imagination was? How I created plays, I was singing and also I could always come up with the stories just like that. I tell her that now that you mention this, it is absolutely true!

When we are kids, we are so open and happy. We play, we say things without thinking and without any filters. We feel things and energies a lot. Maybe we see things that an adult can not see. Our imagination is huge and wide open! "Then life happens", says Roger. And this is where Roger gets his tools. He is explaining how he was listening to the adults in my life and how he adapted their point of views of how I should be and behave. This is how he got the tools to actually keep me safe.

He learned how to tell me when I had to be quiet, so that I would not get into more trouble. He was the one who pushed me in work life, so that I could have more success. He was the one who pushed me and kept on pushing me, so that I could fit in more. He really, truly thought that this would be the best for me. He did his level best to protect me from the outside world. His love towards me was so huge and he wanted me to be safe.

Now I can see tears in his eyes. He is so sorry for all these years of pushing me and forcing me to do the things that were against Victoria's guidance. He feels it deep in his being too. But I tell him that I understand. That he has actually done a great job, because I would not be here without him! I wouldn't be so wise and powerful without any of these events. So I hug him, I tell him that I love him deeply and I want him to forgive himself. It is time to do this.

We are a great team now and Roger says that this is true. His job is still keep me safe for sure, but now it is a co-operation with Victoria and Cynthia. And now this whole crew is telling me to focus on joy! This is where the beauty lies.

When we crow up, life gets hard and things start to happen. Not always easy and nice. And so the light of the laughter maybe gets less. I have always had this child like joy inside of me and I have always laugh a lot. As adults our sense of humor sometimes gets twisted and we end up getting our joy in the expense of others. We laugh when someone gets hurt. Or we do nasty prank to someone and we get the laughter out of this. But all this is having a very low vibration. This is "the old". It is also very often that we adults think that if we are having child like fun, we are not being responsible. Victoria is reminding me that this is absolutely not true.

She is telling me to find my joy in innocence. "Like when you were a small girl. Like on Saturday", she says. Oh yeah! We were having our own disco here in the house. We were listening to nice songs and we were dancing and dancing for hours! It was so much fun! How the music can just free your mind so totally!

And then I got my Tarot cards and how I love to play with them. Or if I go out to the woods and I see the beauty of the nature at this time. All the colors and the freshness of the air. Or when I meet a dog. This sincere meeting where they just come to me these days. It is like my energy is pulling them in, because they know. They sense that this one is all about love.

And so my team wants me to focus on joy. Anything and everything that brings me happiness. "This is something that will keep your vibration high", says Cynthia. "Yes, things are starting to move forward this week and this is why you will need your higher perspective on things", continues Victoria. "This is exciting, it is what we have been waiting for, but it also can be overwhelming", says Roger. "But I am here and I got your back", Roger continues.

Whoooh, I think. This is it. This is what I have been "working" towards all these months. Even years. And now it is finally knocking on my door. I feel my heart beating. I feel the excitement. I am happy and scared at the same time. This is big! I feel it in my whole body.

"Trust my whispers", says Victoria. "Keep focusing on joy and keep your vibration high. This is the time where you have to be very conscious about this. We are here and we will go through this transition together. You will know what to do. Trust your wisdom. Trust us."

And so I let go of any control and expectations. Things that are meant to me will flow in as they are supposed to. Even though I am nervous and a bit scared (because again, this is big!), I keep on breathing and for sure, I will keep on focusing on my joy. This is why I came here. To earth. I know I am now, finally, in front of it. And I feel my whole crew giggling beside me. We did it!

I AM ALREADY LIVING MY DREAM

As you know, I love fairy tails. Maybe you remember the story about the fisherman who was living in the coast of Brazil. Well, since this is my blog, I will transfer this story to Africa, my second home.

So there was a fisherman called Lamin. He was so happy with his everyday life with the small that he had. At least he was able to go to the sea everyday and catch some fish and later he was enjoying the meal with his friends. Lamin is very relaxed, content, outgoing, chill person. No complaining, just enjoying his everyday life.

And then this businessman from Europe, lets call him Patrik, comes for a holiday. He sits with Lamin and wants to join Lamin for a fishing trip. For the whole two weeks these two spend days together. At the end of his holiday Patrik asks Lamin, why he is not doing more marketing, so that he would maybe grow his business much bigger. Since Patrik is a businessman, his aim is to help Lamin to get more customers and this way more money of cause. Patrik says that after a while, you might even have something like five boats!

Lamin is quietly listening to Patrik and allows him to share his point of views. Then he asks a question from Patrik. "So what comes after that? After all this business expansion and money, what comes after that?" "Well, then you can have more free time to do the things that you love to do", answers Patrik. "Isn't that what I am already doing?", asks Lamin.

How many million people are still living their lives from outside in? How many of them are still looking for happiness from outside and never "getting there"? How many million people are still pleasing others and then suffering inside because of that? How many million people are not happy in their current situations: in their jobs, in their relationships, in their work, in their bodies? How many million.... not understanding that there has to be peace in your heart first.

So, today this story came to my mind. Yesterday I wrote about my transformation journey and the process of change that is going on. I was chatting on the phone today with my good friend and she reminded me of this simple truth: YOU ARE ALREADY LIVING YOUR DREAM. For a moment I was quiet, because until today I really did not understand this. I still had this mind of "When I am out of my home town, I will be happy. When I get to do what I love, I will be happy. When I get my dream relationship, I will be happy". But now, suddenly I understand everything. I am finally whole! Everything is already inside of me. Oh my, am I already living my dream?!?!

So I called in my crue, Victoria (my higher self), Cynthia (my god fairy) and Roger (my ego). We decided to have a chat about this revelation I had today. Victoria says to me "isn't it so interesting how through out this awakening journey, we have talked about working from inside out. Changing your inner world, so that you can change your outer world into more supporting, loving and into more authentic. But today, you Saija, were able to understand this all the way in your core". Yes, for sure, I replay. Since I have been under Roger's guidance for so long, it has taken me this long to finally understand what it means when you hear the phrase "Nothing outside of you can make you happy." This is so true!

Roger was the one that, "in the old life", wanted bigger cars, better clothes. He was the one who was asking me to come out in public and share my journey. Okey, maybe Victoria and Cynthia had something to do with this too, so let's not put all the blame on Roger. Roger, I love you :o)!

But all this focus on things outside of me actually never made me truly happy. And now don't get me wrong. Of cause I was happy, but now I am talking about this deep, inner happiness, that is hard to explain, if you have not felt it.

Anyway. Today as my friend was reminding me.... I am truly living my dream life, because nothing outside of me can not define me anymore. Nothing. Now I don't have those limiting fears that used to kept me awake in the night. Fears about the money, fears about not being excepted, fears of not being good enough, fears of not being in control. Fear of not doing enough, the fear of being lazy. Fear of eating correctly. Fear of getting weight. Fear of not having the perfect body, if I don't exercise all the time. Fear of getting wrinkles. Fear of not getting validation from others. Fear of not being liked. And then we have this ancient phrase: "Well, the fact is that we need money in order to survive here". Oh my, how many times I have said that out loud! So many fears. Oh, so many!

Cythia is reminding me, that of cause we all have fears, but the thing is, they are not stopping me anymore. I don't need anyone's approval to create. I don't need likes in Facebook. I don't need anybody's permission and confirmation, if I want to do something. I just do it. I eat what I like. I go out if I want and don't if I don't feel like it. I don't need to post anything anymore to social media unless I truly feel the call. I am happy by myself. Like my friend so wisely said, when I am having a blissful day, it has nothing to do with the outside world. This is very hard to explain. But the joy, the happiness, it just is. I don't need to buy a new sweater for that or please anyone to get it. I am that joy! This is so amazing!

I know now what does it mean to "go with the flow". I know what surrendering means. I am totally detached from everything and everybody. No need to control anything or anyone. No jealousy or fear of getting rejected. I understand this life from a more bigger point of view and I respect everything in this earth and beyond. I don't have not one single judgement in my mind towards anyone or anything. I clearly see now that everything and I mean everything has a reason. I know that we are all connected. I don't do anything I don't want. I only create when I feel the flow, not by force. I don't have to shout out to the world anymore that I am here. No selfies. I accept myself fully without any judgement what so ever. I respect all my talents, wisdom and uniqueness. I fully accept my "bad days" and good days. I don't throw my shit on anyone anymore. I see the beauty of every soul in this earth. But the most biggest thing of all..... I finally, at least in some extend, understand what unconditional love is. It is huge, beautiful and so powering! And now, I am free! I AM FREE!

So, all four of us agree, that it might look like nothing has changed and yet, everything has. But it is all about the inner change. I am already living my dream. Now it is just about enjoying this new, creative freedom that I have. This inner power and knowledge. The joy that now comes out in a good day is something that I have not ever experienced before. It is so amazing!

And here is where we end this story today. Today is surely a very high energy day. I feel dizzy and a bit light headed, but it is all well. I will drink water and get grounded with my home exercise later. But now, I just want to enjoy this huge, powerful feeling: "I HAVE FINALLY CREATED MY DREAM LIFE FOR MYSELF!" What ever comes on top of this, is just a big plus!

LOVELY VICTORIA

Today I want to introduce to you the gorgeous Victoria. She is my higher self or inner guide or the voice of my intuition. She is saying that all these descriptions are perfect!

Where does the name Victoria come from? She says that she chose this name, because we have been so victorious. We have gone to hell and back in this awakening journey and we are still facing some challenges, since there is another change going on, from the old to the new. So this is how she came out with the name of Victoria and I must say that I love the name.

For many years I did not consciously know that she was around. I was so busy with my life and doing doing, that I never gave her a change to be heard. Well, this is not completely true, since she has been always guiding me, I just didn't know it. She knew that I had to go through the lessons that life threw at me, but it doesn't mean that this was easy to her. She suffered as I suffered.

This was the time in my life when Roger (my ego) was totally in charge. Now we are in a whole new reality where Roger is still around for sure, but he is not driving the car anymore. Victoria is. She has taken the lead, so that I can finally learn what unconditional love is and so that I can finally find my way into more fulfilling life. She is helping me to find my true self too. Big job she has, doesn't she?

Me and Victoria had a chat today. I am in this life transformation journey at the moment, so I needed to ask her advice on something. The thing is that lately I have been watching all kinds of videos and energy reports in order to get some ideas where I am heading and when. I can see that sometimes "the old spiritual lessons" tell you to think positive or your manifestations don't come true. Victoria has tried to whisper to me, that this is not true, but since I am stubborn, I haven't really paid that much attention to her whispers. Until now.

So I sat down and called her to come to me. I was explaining my feelings to her and that when I watch these videos, I sometimes get huge anxiety. These old teachings also sometimes make me feel that I am doing something wrong, because I still don't have the answers that I am looking for and because I am not yet where I want to be.

So she came to me and we had a chat. "Love", she said. "Remember that you are in charge of your life. No one else. No matter how everybody else are living their lives, don't compare yourself to anybody. Why? Because there is nobody else who is you. So only you can know what is best for you".

We end up talking about change and how the process goes. Because it is a process. She gave me a good point of view. "When you are in a working place or in a relationship and suddenly something starts to feel like it is not aligned anymore, you first notice it. Then the change process starts. Through out this change process you have to go through many feelings. Mostly fears."

She continues. "As you start to feel that the situation, no matter what it is, is not serving you anymore, the first thing you might feel is anxiety. If you are not feeling any negative feelings, there is no need for change. This is why they are so important. Also you might start to feel feelings of unhappiness, not being fulfilled, lack of interest, tiredness, lack of creativity, lack of joy and feeling like you don't belong. All this is normal and it is just a part of the change that is unfolding."

"Let me give you an example", she says. "Let's say that you want to end up your relationship. Your feelings don't die just like that. You still feel love towards the person you might have spend years with, but maybe not the same way as before. So you go through these feelings of you don't want to hurt anyone, what are you going to do if you leave, how and where you are going to live and survive and so on. Maybe you still want to give this relationship multiple changes before you are ready to let go. And there are always people that are left behind when a relationship ends. These are big big things and they can not be solved in a week or even a month! So you see, these are all part of the process and this is why I say, that it takes time. All these feelings are teaching you something about you and this is so very important. This is why we are here in this life too. To learn. So you see. The process of change can not happen over night."

I was very quiet and I gave this a minute and I have to say that she is very correct. I am going through a huge change. The old circle is closed almost and I know that I am in front of something new. What I know at the moment is, that I am getting ready to move. That is all I know. When and where, this is the info that Victoria has not given me yet. Why I ask her.

"Love, because you need time. You have never been the person that you are now. You have been so brave in this journey and now you are facing the biggest change of your life. You have left your family and most of your friends. You need to get over this. You have a daughter and a grandson and I know you love them so much. So you need time to have the courage to leave them in order to move on. This is not easy. You need to face all your fears when it comes to money and the unknown. So I am just allowing this time for you to deal with all of this and also to learn from this. You are learning more about YOU every day! That is all that is going on".

Again I sit quiet and think about her words and I have to say, that she is so wise. Roger (my ego) would be ready to just go! He is pushing me forward, and for sure, this also is a good thing, but instead of pushing, I now understand, that I have to go with the flow. I have to allow Victoria to be in charge as she has been for years now. She knows what she is doing and she will give me answers when the time is right.

"Remember love that don't allow anyone to tell you how to feel. No manifestation can ever pass you by. Ever! No matter what you do. Just do you. It is very important that you are authentic even when you are feeling anxiety or stress. This is the most important part of this process! Those feelings are all part of this process. How much damage you would do to yourself, if you would try to deny your feelings, no matter what they are. You are a human being with human emotions. Yes, you have a high consciousness level, but your soul journey is not about meditating in the mountains for your whole life. Maybe in that case your soul journey would include learning how to "get out of" these negative feelings. But. You are here to experience human life WITH this high consciousness and this includes your feelings. Someone else might have a different soul journey. This is why it is so important NOT to compare yourself with others. And just remember, that eventually there will come a day when I will let you know what to do and where we go and then you are ready for it. Until then all you have to do, is to be you".

Phiuh, I sigh. What a relief! Because it is not easy to be in a situation where nothing is serving you anymore. So there must be days when I feel lazy, I don't want to go out that much and when I feel stuck. "Love, you can never be stuck. It is all about timing, that's all. This is something I want to remind you about", she says. Oh, thank you. That is true.

This is the process of change. Some days you feel like you are in the top of the world and some days are less easy. But this is how this process goes. I don't want to fight it anymore. After all, in the big picture, I have everything I need and every day is energetically different. "Love, this is a good point", Victoria says. "We have to remember, that not only are you going through a massive change, but we are also part of the cosmos. Part of the Universe and what ever is going on there, it must also affect you. Not only are you feeling your own feelings, but you feel the collective energies, the energies of others and the frequency of Mother Earth and she is flying high these day", she laughs. Oh yeah baby, this is huge!

And so I go on. Moment by moment. Minute by minute. I let go of all the teachings of others and go back to my center where my power lies. Where Victoria takes care of me and is in contact with my guides at all times. And of cause I have Roger and Cynthia too. So I am safe and well taken care of. Now us four (me, Victoria, Roger and Cynthia) will open up Netflix, I will take my candies and we will choose a nice children's movie to watch. Anxiety or not, big changes or not, at the moment it seems, that in our kingdom, all is well. I am well protected and I am loved big time!

CROSSROADS

So here we go! My first blog post since, well, a long time! More then creating, I have been digging in, I have been doing my healing work and I feel like I have been very protective about my energy. Now something has shifted. On my left shoulder is sitting Cynthia. She is a small, beautiful fairy, who wants into lead me to something new. Unknown to me. On the other shoulder I find Roger, my devil (ego), whom I love so very much. Both of them are whispering to my ears. Oh my, I am in a big time crossroad!

This new moon in Libra has been very powerful to me. I have cried for two days! All the wounds of abandonment and rejection, worthiness and being good enough, have been coming to surface. At the same time I realize that I am still using excuses of keeping myself hidden. "I don't have a clear picture of what to do" or "I don't have money" or "I don't have tools". All Rogers whispers. Oh how I love him so much! He just wants to keep me safe, that's all!

But on the other side, Cynthia is sitting, patiently, and listening to Rogers arguments. She is keeping quiet, because she knows that what Roger is saying is very necessary to hear for the girl (that is me of cause) that they both love so much! So she is sitting there, humming her songs with a fragile voice and every now and then she gives a kiss to my cheek. I hear her whispering to my ear "Remember I love you".

And so like in the court room, Rogers speech is coming to an end. Me as a judge of my own life have listened, heard and valuated his arguments. Now it is time for Cynthia to step to the stage.

She reminds me of how far we have become. How much I have grown mentally, spiritually and basically every way. She brings up a good point. Why am I feeling this sadness and not belonging. Why I am feeling powerless and not excepted by others. This is because it is time for me to choose. I can not live my life in two worlds. Something has to go.

This is where Roger stands up and shouts "object"! "This statement is too much for our girl to handle. I suggest that she stays where she is and why not try to find a job! At least she then has something reasonable to do!"

Cynthia says "Thank you so much Roger for this statement. I am happy you brought this up."

Now she asks me a question: "Love, what makes you happy? What gives you joy? Is it a regular job where you will know you will get your monthly salary? Is it adventure? Is it the unknown? Because before you think about these, me and Roger can not help you. This is something that you have to sit with". And so I do.

I realize that I still have been thinking about what others think of me. Of how to "save" others. How to share the wisdom that I have gained through out this inner journey. What is my mission in this life? Why am I here?!

As long as I think about others and saving them, I don't respect their soul journey. I am stepping into their toes. As long as I think about what others think, I get anxiety and I feel totally powerless. The rejection and abandonment is my life story, so no wonder I have been trying desperately to hang on to people, so that they would not leave me or abandon me. "And all along", Cynthia reminds me, "it was you who abandoned yourself. No one else. Others were just reflecting this big wound to you that comes all they way from past lives. What do you say, is it time now to let it go?"

I cry and I cry and finally after two days, I say YES! It is time to let it go. I will never ever abandon myself again! Roger can not help himself from smiling. Even though he knows, he lost the battle, but at the end he loves me deeply and he only wants what is best for me. This only means that now he has a new job in my new journey and I know that he will keep me safe!

And so I ask Cynthia "What now?" And she giggles and says "what brings you joy? What about you concentrate on this"? And so I do.

And here is my declaration:

"I, Saija Susanna, here by announce that I came to this world to fill it with love and peace and now it is time for me to step into my assignment. I here by state that no matter how much others resent me, no matter no one except me, no matter if others get angry or irritated, I will still keep on going! I bless the anger and irritation of others, because I know that something in me, has woken something in them and that something is love. Even if we don't see it, our souls feel it.

So keep throwing stones, I will not give up! I here by choose to leave my old self behind with gratitude and with honor, but knowing that it is finally time to praise my uniqueness and my powers, because I know how I feel when I deliver a message from a pass away loved one to someone. I see the power of the message and the healing that happens in that moment. I see the healing power of love and this is more powerful to me, then anything anyone can say or do to me. So here I stand and I proudly take on the mission that I came here to do."

Both Cynthia and Roger are clapping their hands and now, in co-operation we start to head towards our future. Nothing is clear yet, but I don't care anymore. No more excuses. So I take the tools I have in this very moment and I created this blog. It is a start. At least I am doing something and this feels good! Powerful!

With Cynthia, Roger and my huge gang of spirit guides, I know I can do this! They will hold my hand even if no one else will. I am finally ready to leave the old behind and fully praise my spiritual journey and my future work among this field. What ever it will be. I actually told Cynthia and my guides that I don't need to know. I like surprises!