TEAM UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!

I think that at this time, we have two teams in this world:

Team unconditional love = healing (oneself) the world
Team conditional love = hurting (oneself/others) the world

The gap between these too, are somehow getting bigger and bigger. Many team unconditional love members are isolated at this time, doing their inner work in quietness and in their own space while observing the chaos created by the team conditional love.

Now, I want to remind you that neither one of these teams are "better than the other". Just different. I used to belong to the team conditional love, so no judgement from me! My prayer for the world today is however, that more and more people would have the courage to jump into the team unconditional love.

I have learned that the most important thing missing in today's world is taking responsibility and accountability. When we don’t do this, we keep hurting ourselves, others and this world.

We all know how we can blame others when we feel bad. It is always someone else's fault, if we feel anger, resentment or overall disappointment in our lives. I used to do it, of course. I didn’t have the awareness to take my life into my own hands. And now I can fully see how toxic this was.

Let’s dive deeper. 

I live in a building where smoking is not allowed anywhere else than in two spots marked for it. Underneath me lives a neighbour and he kept smoking inside. I truly don’t care, because I can not control others. But. The smell started to come inside my house. So I went nicely to talk to him and I asked him if he smokes inside. He denied. I said okay. 

In the evening the smell came again and not only cigarette, but weed as well. This time I sent a message to our landlord. I had to do it four times before he finally stopped. 

Now I have become the bitch of the story. Why, because he did not take any responsibility for his own actions, so the blame of the anger he felt inside, had to be put on someone else. And yet, he is the one who chose to live in a place where smoking inside was not allowed. He was the one who broke that agreement. 

A driver fucks up in the trafic, the the police confronts them, maybe gives them a ticket and now the police is the villain of the story. Why? Because the driver didn't take any responsibility for his actions and he puts his anger of getting caught on to the police.

A girlfriend dismisses you and she talks to you very badly. When you confront her and tell her that it doesn’t feel good and that she shouldn’t do that, she gets angry. Now you become the villain of her story, because she doesn’t take accountability of her own words and behavior. 

This is why we have so much hatred and anger in the world, because the guilty one for our triggers, feelings and behavior are always somewhere else. The vicious circle keeps going on and on. This is how team conditional love (hurting the world) works. 

These are just a few examples of how hatred toward others emerges.

We blame our spouses, our family, our friends, our co-workers, black people, white people, muslims, christians and on and on and on. 

The same thing happens when we are angry and resentful towars our own parents. We blame our dad who was abusive and a drug addict while all along it is about us refusing to feel the pain caused by this. So we use them as an excuse to fuck up our lives. We blame them for all our mistakes and misery.

We literally give the power of our lives to these people without realizing it. But they were broken by their own parents and they kept the circle going and broke us. This is how the team conditional love operates. And all along, healing our inner world and taking charge of our own lives, was our responsibility.

I did this for sure, before I took my life into my own hands. Before I took full responsibility for all aspects of my life. It doesn’t mean that what happened to me is right, but I am the one who needs to feel and heal and understand that these happenings don’t define me.

My life is what I make of it, no matter what happened to me.  

Not taking responsibility for our own inner world, feelings, words, actions and situations is just another way to avoid looking in the mirror and dealing with our own inner and outer circumstances. We leave or lose beautiful people, because we get triggered and can not face those triggers. Not taking responsibility results in fights, arguements, anger, hatred, resentment, avoidance, drama and anxiety. Or numbness. 

These triggering relationships are trauma bond relationships trying to lead you inside to your feelings and wounds. 

In my own inner journey I got to a point where I finally turned things around and this was the final key in my self love journey. Instead of blaming others, I started to ask questions:

Why am I still allowing this person to hurt me? Why am I still trying to change this person? Why am I still looking for validation and confirmation? Why am I still explaining myself? What keeps me in this situation where I am not okay? Why am I still caretaking my grown ass people?  

And so on. Millions of questions. Always rising when there was a situation where I felt uncomfortable or where I was beating myself up for doing this or saying that. Only by asking these questions I was able to get to the root cause of the issue inside myself and heal it.

It is as simple as this: whatever is going on in your life, it is on you. Either you allow it or you create it. It is not about others. They are purely a mirror to you to your own inner and outer world. 

Now, I want to make it clear that sometimes life happens no matter what we do! If I am doing my inner work and taking full responsibility for my life, I can not always blame myself for the outside world's happenings. This is toxic spirituality! What I am talking about here are the events in our lives that happen as a result of refusing to look inside and instead we keep blaming others.

If you have someone in your life that is still bullying you, why do you allow it? If there is someone talking bad about you behind your back, why are you still allowing it or hanging around with people like that? If you decide to smoke in a place where it is not allowed and someone confronts you, why do you get angry? If you cheat in a relationship and your spouse gets angry, why do you get offended? Why are you in a relationship where you have to make yourself small and please your spouse? 

It is true, we can not expect a different outcome, if we keep doing the same things over and over. Changing my life was on me, not anybody else. 

If I truly wanted to heal and love myself unconditionally, I had to take full responsibility and accept the fact that I would lose people, jobs and situations that were familiar to me. And when I finally took full responsibility of my life, boundaries were the key!

Before you take full responsibility for your triggers, your healing, your feelings, your actions and words, for how your life is going, what you are doing and who you hang around with, you can not be in your own power. Full responsibility is true freedom. 

And it is beautiful when someone, like this boy downstairs, gets me. We ended up having a conversation and he understood where I was coming from. I did not want bad things to happen to him, I did not have hatered towards him. I did not talk to him from anger, but peace in my heart. I just wanted my house to be smoke free. We ended up having a mature conversation. He understood where I was coming from and took responsibility. He heard me! No more anger, but full understanding between us and we are okay now. 

We are the products of our conditioning, beliefs and fears that people around us feed us. Dare to question! Dare to challenge everything and all you have been told. Dive inside and get so interested in yourself that you want to know where your own anger comes from. 

No one in this world is born with hate in their heart. Hatred is taught. And we all know that hate can not be won with hate. 

Only by taking full responsibility for our own lives can we truly be authentic, free and have a healthy life. There is no room for arguments, fights, anger, hatred, resentment or blaming others for how we feel. But there is room for more growth, more learning from each other, more understanding, more empathy, more mercy and grace. More maturity. And for sure there will be more love and peace!

Team unconditional love is the team that keeps working on themselves. They might not be perfect and that is not the point even, but for sure they take full responsibility, if they fuck up!

And I'm all about team unconditional love = healing (me) the world!

I AM NOT A TEAPOT!

Today I heard a story about a sculptor who had gone to a school of pottery classes to learn more about this art form. After he said that everybody we're making teapots. That’s what everybody did. But he didn’t want to be the same. He didn’t want to do that. Make a teapot. At that time this sculptor was very young, but he already knew he had his own mind. So he created a ceramic sculptor and named the piece “I am not a teapot”. 

What he wanted to say with this was that he didn't want to fit into a box someone else had created. He had always known that “he was not a teapot”. He has had and has a strong mind of his own. A fire burning inside and no obstacle in life can turn off that fire.

After years of being still, mostly alone, out of the grid, living with this constant feeling of “I don’t belong”, this story resonated with me a lot. And it made me smile a bit too. Why in the world have I always been apologizing for my existence?! Thinking that I am the one who is not normal?! 

That’s because I have never fully accepted the fact that I am NOT a teapot! I actually have never truly valued, loved and respected this aspect in me. The fire I have inside. Until now.

When you become authentic, people who are still sweeping things “under the carpet”, wearing masks and are not ready to face fully their own inner world, will avoid you, even dislike you. An authentic person's energy is very real and honest and it pokes unauthentic people’s triggers big time. 

I did not come into this world to be “a teapot”. I did not come here to be "normal" (what ever that even means?!).  

Let me give you one example of what life looks like when you are NOT a teapot! 

I have lived in the same flat now for three years. Ever since I moved here I have known that this is not my home. But I also knew that here in Finland I could get the isolation that was needed in this period of my inner journey. I think we undervalue the time we spend alone and I have truly learned how to love my own company and space. I came to this town to close the door to the past, so that I can move on truly healed, matured, confident and free. 

Anyway, I have been fighting against this flat all this time and lately there have been so many issues in this place that I start to feel like I am living in a ghetto! 

Victoria (my soul) keeps whispering “I know it is hard, but hang in there! Your time will come and you will be moving on. It is just not time yet”. 

But we all know what happens to a human in a tricky, uncomfortable situation: “Alert alert! Trouble trouble! We need to find a solution and change the situation as soon as possible!!!!” This is how our mind works. This is what we are used to: “If something fucks you up, do something about it.” 

This is our deep conditioning. 

But when you are NOT a teapot, you learn to accept the discomfort. You become aware of why this is happening and why things are not physically moving. And this is not easy at times, because like I said, I have had this inner knowing ever since moving to this flat that it is not something that is going to last. So when time goes by, years go by, I haven't had any other choise than to lean on my inner knowing, trust it fully and allow my inner faith get stronger. This is not always given, so there are days when the doupt creeps in, but then I lean into my inner voice, to Victoria and when she says it's all going to be okay, I just somehow trust her 100 %. I can honestly say that I have become relaxed in this discomfort. It is in this discomfort where I have learned the most, I have grown a lot and my inner world has shifted fast. 

I have shared my discomfort with few people. All I wanted was to share what I am going through and I had this hope that people would just be there for me, just listen. But instead I get advice and solution suggestions. It is very hard for them to understand why I don’t do anything about the situation and just leave. My sharing pokes their own discomfort and since it is uncomfortable to feel this discomfort inside, it is easier to run away from it and “to do something about it”. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago the intensity of this long lasting situation got to me and so I decided to intentionally put myself to the test. I allowed Roger (my ego/mind) to take over and out of curiosity I wanted to see what happens. What happens inside of me, if I try to go back to my old ways? What happens if I go against my intuition and listen to my mind instead? What happens if I try to force things to happen?

Does the old way still work for me?

So I put Victoria’s whispers aside and I applied for a new flat. I got a call and we agreed that I would go and see the place. So I went to the showing and OMG, the flat was beautiful! High room with a huge balcony. Lots of light, very clean and I just knew I could make it my home. The only issue was that they were asking for a 12 month lease. Or I thought that this was the issue why I started to hesitate with giving a green light for this. 

The truth is that Victoria’s voice got a bit louder during this process. “I am sorry love, but this is not meant for you. Yes, it is beautiful and yes, it is more peaceful. But it is not for you. Your time will come.”

But because I had decided to try the old ways of being, I went ahead and said that I am interested knowing all along that it is not meant for me. 

And next night, OMG! I couldn’t sleep at all! I was turning and turning! My mind was racing and my body was on high alert. Because I went against my intuition and inner knowing I immediately went back to survival mode! Stress and anxiety came back! When I woke up the next morning I was so exhausted. I couldn’t believe the reaction I had both in my mind and in my body!

In the afternoon I got the call and as I knew, I didn’t get the flat. And instead of being disappointed, my whole body released a huge sigh. Relaxation and peace were back within seconds! My nervous system got relaxed and I could breath well again. 

Now I proved to myself that I can not go back to the old ways. I can not live against my own flow, my own inner guru, my inner knowing and my own divine timing. For the human side of me, everything doesn’t always make sense and can feel very hard at times, but Victoria knows the best. I will not test her again! 

Whatever my next step is, I will know it when the time is right. This experiment was also such a good reminder to me that when something is meant for me, I will not only know it, but I will also FEEL it! 

No matter what other people say, I have to do what my heart tells me to do. If she keeps saying “not yet”, then it is not yet. Let people get uncomfortable. 

Because I am not a teapot, my life doesn’t look like what society expects it to look like. I now truly start to appreciate my own uniqueness. My intuition and inner guidance. My unique wisdom. My courage to just be and allow. And act when it is time. I don’t feel like I don’t belong anymore, because I have found my way home to me. 

I am creating a work of a lifetime as the sculptor of my own life and for sure, it is not going to be a teapot! As all creative people know, you can not force an art piece! It is ready when it is ready and so you keep changing, molding and learning until the piece is ready. And you are ready. For the past few years I have been sculpting myself inside, so that I was able to break “the norm” and start to fully appreciate the fact that I am not a teapot!