ME AND MY SPIRIT GUIDES

So, as a child I had a wild imagination! My creativity was just flying! This is why, today, I want to introduce to you few of my spirit guides. Oh, I have plenty spirit guides around me. Plenty, but there are so many that it is impossible for me to know them all. But let me start with few I have got to know lately.

One of them is Elisabeth. She is my Scottish grandmother. She is the one who is responsible of my "witch" powers. And I mean the good qualities, like healing and psychic abilities. She is always reminding me how powerful I am and that I should never ever doubt myself. She knows all the ancient healing methods and she is so willing to help me to discover them all. She is loving, kind and patient.

Then I have Muhammed. He is my Gambian spirit guide. He is gentle, kind and also very loving. He is tall, hansom and he has the most beautiful smile ever! He knows that I have been through a lot and he is always reminding me how we have survived through tough times together. He knows that I am loving, but strong. He knows that I am fare, but firm. He keep cheering to me when going get tough.

Only few months ago I discovered my connection to Egypt. A connection that I never knew I had. From this period I have a spirit guide called Karim. Karim is a charming and loving and he has these few same qualities as Muhammed. They both have this huge inner peace and patience. Karim is quite calm and quiet. He has this inner wisdom, but he only speaks when I am truly listening. Other wise, he keeps quiet. He knows why I am drawn to rocks and crystals. From him I have learned a lot about healing with different kind of crystals.

My latest spirit guide is Papa. He actually doesn't have a form like a human. He is energy, so he is invisible. Papa is so loving and our language is so called energy language. I was trying to look for his picture, so that I could show him to you, but after hours of looking, I gave up. I have an image in my mind of him and maybe you can create your own. For me he is this older man figure with white beard. Almost like Santa Clause. But. His beard is not quite that white. His eyes are so wise! He always has this peaceful smile in his face and every night he makes sure, that my day has been okey. He told me that since he doesn't use human language, he don't have a name. This is why I call him Papa. He is like a grandfather figure to me. He also said that he wanted to give a calling name for me and for him the Spanish word "Miha" (I am sorry, I am not sure about the spelling :o) was the most beautiful one. He said that he likes the sound of the word and it suits me very well.

So as I said I am surrounded by many loving, protecting and guiding spirit guides. Today, I wanted to have a chat with Papa. He is so wise! Of cause Victoria (my higher self) and Cynthia (my god fairy) wanted to be present too. Papa was telling me that the planet where he comes from looks a bit like Venus. It has a little bit of land and a lots and lots of water. The air is pure and the vibration of the planet is very high. He was explaining that he could not contact me before, because my vibration was not high enough. But now, as I have cleansed a lot of the old "density", he was finally able to reach me. "This is what I have been waiting for a long time!", he says.

"So what is our connection Papa", I ask. "Well, this is where you come from", he says. "This is your home". Wow, I think. How cool is this! "What does it mean?", I ask. "Well Miha, let me explain", says Papa.

"In our planet there is no human form or language. All is energy. So the way we communicate is different. We feel instead of using words." Oh my, I am thinking. How interesting is this! "Now Miha, I am asking you to forget all these words in human language that are causing separation between humans." "What do you mean?", I ask. He explains that words like spirituality, awakening, high frequency, black, white, vegan, yogi and millions of other words, they all are causing separation and boxes between people.

"It is time to let them go. You humans have to finally understand that you are all one. This means that you might feel what someone else is feeling. You humans call this feeling empathy. For us, this is very natural and this is why in our planet we don't hurt each other. Because if you hurt another spirit, you end up hurting yourself. It is the same with humans. The difference is that on earth, when you hurt each other, not only are you hurting the other being mentally, but sometimes you also hurt someone physically. This is a double pain for the whole collective. This creates a vibration that is lowering the vibration of the earth. And not only the earth, but the Universes too."

I have to sit with this for a while. Victoria and Cynthia are also quiet. They know that this is true. That it is truly time for us humans to wake up and start to create a more loving world.

Papa continues: "Every soul comes to this planet with a mission. This soul path have been planned very well before. In the Universes we wanted to create different kinds of forms of a human, so that we could see how humans react on things and to different kinds of people. We were surprised how fast the humans started to forget the loving way of being and living together and how fast they started to create the separation between each other. Now we are entering, one soul at the time, back to the time, where there can not be any separation between on souls. Now you humans are starting, finally, bit by bit remember, that underneath your skin, no matter what color, there is another soul. From the same source. That's all."

"It is like.... hmmmm", he is thinking.... "It is like we would put a lot of you humans into one room blindfolded. All different kinds, with different backgrounds and religions. From different countries and from different cultures. And before taking the blindfolds off, we would turn off the lights. What would you see then?"

Victoria is clapping her hands! She loves this idea! In the darkness it would be absolutely impossible to know what color someone is or what religion he represents. Yes, in that darkness, we would just be souls. Many souls in the same space just mingling with each other. We three (me, Victoria and Cynthia) love this!

"This is why you humans are now learning what unconditional love is. First you are learning how to love yourself unconditionally and then from there, you learn to love others the same way. This kind of love has a very high vibration and it raises the vibration of the earth too. Even the Universes. So as you are learning this, please, you don't have to take it so seriously. Even if some emotions you are feeling during this process are hard, always try to remember, that after all, you are here, in this earth plane, to enjoy. Not to suffer."

He continues: "If I may suggest, could you think of this earth as your playground full of different kinds of tool for self love? Instead of judging anything or anyone, could you get curious? Instead of judging any situation or event, could you get curious? And take all these people in your life, all these events in you life and all these things that you have (like cigarette, wine, food, religions and so on) as tools towards self love? Use them. Do it consciously. Choose wisely and learn. This is why you are here at this time. Only human form has this change to experience all this. So it is a unique experience!"

Oh, he has so much wisdom to share, but now, we will end up the story here. We don't want to share all his wisdom right away. We will allow this information to sink in first. I thank all my guides for showing up and Victoria and Cynthia of cause. This surely was an interesting conversation. I am excited to change my perspective and I am, for sure, willing to try and see everything here on earth, as a playground full of tools, as I am traveling towards loving myself even more! I love this point of view. It gives this self love process lightness and joy. And I know, that after hearing all this, I am in. 100 %!

ENERGY WORK

For the longest time, I have not been able to write anything. I have had this phase of being in my own cocoon and very very selective with who I want to mingle with. Mostly, I have been alone. I have needed this time for myself in order to get to know me more better. I can say I have almost mastered this "being alone" -thing. A thing that so many people are afraid of. But today, I wanted to have a chat with my crew: Victoria (my higher self), Roger (my ego) and Cynthia (my god fairy).

I have known for the longest time that the new way of creating my reality is from inside out. This is something we are, for sure, not used to. Before everything was created from outside in. Let me explain a bit.

So before the creation (some talk about manifestation) was done from outside in. Let me give you an example what this means. Lets say that I bought a car. This gave me the feelings of happiness and joy. It gave me the feeling of easiness and freedom, because now I had an easy access everywhere I wanted to go. Now we are all (even if you are not aware of it) moving into a new way of creating. This is from inside out. Meaning, I need to find all these feelings that I used to find from outside things, inside of me first. Lets say I want a partner. What are the feelings that this would make me feel? I would feel happiness, joy, maybe safety and so on. Now, with these new energies, I have to find all these feelings from inside of me before the creation can come into reality.

Before we were chasing the happiness from outside of us and the truth is, that this happiness didn't last that long, because as we got used to this outside factor, the feeling was gone. So, we had to chase another "dream". This created this hamster wheel where the joy was lost and no amount of results after this chase, could not keep us happy for long. It just wasn't that long lasting, because THE FEELING WAS NOT GROUNDED inside of us. Now, when we create the feeling first and "that thing" we dream about comes reality, our feeling will last. So no chasing happiness from outside, because we are already happy with or without "that thing" we want to create. I hope you get me? What ever feelings we are able to create inside, no matter what is going outside of us, we are more steady with our inner world, because no outside thing can effect our inner world. This is because everything that we need and want is always with us. Inside of us. So all the external things that "manifest" outside of us, are just a great plus!

As adult I have been quite disconnected from the feelings I had as a child. From that innocence, from that joy, from that freedom of not taking things so seriously. Remembering that life is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. I was not over thinking then. I did not analyse things at all. I was not thinking what others think. I had so much imagination and creativity.

So here I am. As a child. With my crew. I am sorry about my abilities to process the pictures, but this will have to do for now. I don't have the apps to do this more better and for me, this is a good practice to get away from "being perfect". I had fun doing this and that is enough for me.

I look at this picture every day. I look at this beautiful little girl and her beautiful smile. And sometimes looking at this makes me so sad. When was it that I lost the connection to her? When was it that I lost this pure innocence and joy? All these qualities are inside of me, that is for sure! I just absolutely love her smile!!

Victoria (my higher self) sighs. She remembers these days better then me. "Love", she says. "This is why you are asked to be at the moment. Can you imagine the amount of darkness that you have adapted through out the years you have been in this earth? There are so many beliefs and feelings that need to go. If everything would go at once, you couldn't take it. So we have to do this one step at the time. But since we have been going this for a long time now, we are getting closer and closer to freedom. To the true authenticity. To the core of who you really are. This is so exiting!", she says.

I get it. I understand what she is saying. In a deeper level I understand that I am finding my true self and that I am creating now a more steady, more fulfilling and more aligned life for myself. A life that I have never had before. As I said in the beginning, life is now created from inside out. So I am asked to be patience. Again. Blaaaaah! I hate that! Cythia is giggling. She knows that this is not easy for me, because I am for sure a action oriented person. 

Actually, all three of them start to laugh. They don't want to laugh to my frustration or anger of "nothing moving forward", but...... It is funny. I have to agree. When sitting here in my house day after day, waiting for something to happen and not being okey with what is. It is like I am fighting against this invisible enemy. And that enemy is my own patterns of doing things. So I am actually fighting against myself! And this, oh yes, it is funny!

So my crew is advising me to take it easy. To allow myself to feel what ever I am feeling, "good or bad" feelings. This is something so new what I am doing that there are no instructions to this. I am learning as I go. "Maybe", Victoria says, "you could try to take some lightness into this process. Some sense of humor. Get curious. And be proud of yourself, because not only are you cleansing all that is not needed for you in the future, you are also cleansing a lot of collective energies. This is how this inner process is serving the whole world and the Universes. Because everything is, after all, energy."

"What do you mean?", I ask her. And she explains. "Well. Let me give you an practical example. Everyday you produce garbage of some sort. Like empty bottles or plastic waste. Lets call these waists as "negative" emotions, words, thoughts and actions. If you are talking to someone nicely, the energy is light and clean. No garbage is produced. But when talking to someone with hash words or using violence, this produces negative pollution to the collective energies. When you are cleansing yourself from these old patterns, negative thoughts and actions, you are actually cleansing the whole collective energy from this."

"But isn't it so, that we will always have these negative feelings?", I ask. "Yes", she replays. "But the first thing is to allow them to flow through you and this way, they are not stuck in the collective energy. But instead these so called negative energies, well, they just flow through you and disappear back to the Universes and they will be transmuted back to light. And the second thing is the action. If and when feeling anger and you take action towards another person from these energies, it creates energetic pollution. If these "negative" emotions, negative as you humans call them, are used wisely, it actually is a bit like a fuel, the energies keep their balance and the energy stays light.

So lets say you get a "negative" reaction from someone. Instead of attacking that person with hash words or your fists, you take a step back, you sit down and you allow this feeling to sink in in order for you to understand why you get reaction. And only after this, you act if you still think that a action is necessary.  Maybe then you don't need to use hash words or your fists, but you can actually say something from a place of peace, but firmness. This process is keeping the energies in balance and there is no "negative" pollution produced, because this way every action or word that is done or said, is conscious. And sometimes these "negative" emotions are exactly the fuel you need to make the changes you are supposed to make. Eventually, when more and more people are doing this, cleansing their energies, there will be no need to sit with your emotions, but all is flowing easily and without effort. No more emotional ups and downs. Do you understand?"

Yes, I actually do. There have been so many people who have treated me badly and somehow there is this inner knowing in me how to act on that. Sometimes I just pull away, nicely and quietly and sometimes I have to say something. Not nasty, but just address the matter firmly: "No, this is not okey." So yes, I get it. And this is interesting. And it is new.

And now I also get it why the new way of creating something solid, is from inside out. We are transmuting the old energy into a new, more fresh one. Into more lighter form. This is also causing the collective energy to change so, that the old ways of controlling, abuse and violence, are transmuting into new, lighter and loving ways. Into more balanced and equal ways.

So I keep on creating my own fairy tail from inside out. Protecting my fragile light energy from outside forces as much as I can. And things ARE moving forward! Maybe not in a physical way, but energetically, in a big way! I will find this child like joy that I can see in this picture. I will be able to let go of "being so serious" and allowing myself to be more goofy. Second by second, minute by minute the energy inside of me is transmuting. So the process is on 24/7 even if I don't "see or understand it". "So let it flow lovie, let it flow", says Victoria. And so I will.

THE WRAP-UP

Today I want to honor my inner journey by remembering where I started, who I was before and where I am now. Today. This journey of finding my true self is not over for sure, but before the new year, I kind of wanted to sit down and write down all the things I have learned along the way.

I will not tell my whole story again. My history and another blog from the last four years, you can find here: PERFECT ENOUGH. More I just want to kind of make my own list of how I see fear versus love. How I used to live from the space of fear and now, what has changed when I do have a bigger perspective on things and how love sees things.

LOVE: Most important thing I have learned is to unconditionally love myself. Just the way I am. I respect myself and I am learning more and more about boundaries. I am authentic. I don't deny anything from myself. As I am conscious about what I am doing, there is no reason to deny anything. There is no need to listen anybody else. Only I can know what is good for me and what is not. Everything in this life is for me, a tool of love. If I feel like smoking a cigarette, I do so with full awareness of my choice in that moment. If I do not exercise, I am very aware of it. I am excepting all my gifts with huge gratitude and humbleness. I take full responsibility of anything I do or say. There is no judgement in me what so ever. I love the fact that there are different kind of people and different truths. I love the fact that we all have our own soul missions here on earth, it is so interesting. I understand the bigger picture and I trust my guides and the Universe 100 %. I go with the flow and I fully surrender to the fact that I am taken care of.

FEAR: I did not like myself. I was beautiful with a perfect body, but I only saw fats. I was busy and doing doing all the time. Pushing myself into more better results. I was not present. I got irritated so easily. I blamed others. I was mean with my words and actions. I was a perfectionist. I was kind of a "my way or highway" kind of girl. I was cheap with money and giving something to others was not easy. I had money, but I felt like I never had enough. I was possessive and jealous. I was a control freak. I knew how to drink, sometimes for days. I was talking bad behind peoples backs. I was judging. I wanted people to do thinks my way. I needed to push my point of view through by arguing. It was very important to me to "always" be right.

Don't get me wrong here. For sure I had some wonderful and funny times in my "old life". So it was not all about suffering and heartache. But even then, my joy was fear based. Oh, this is such a big topic that it is impossible to cover everything. But let me make it simple from my point of view, just in case you sometimes wonder are your thoughts coming from fear or love.

LOVE:
Just is
Accepts
Trusts
Goes with the flow
Is okey with not knowing
Respects
Has clear boundaries
Understands that everybody has their own soul journey and that each and everyone of them is as valuable as another
Inner power
Inner knowing
Own truth
Self love
Has sympathy
Has empathy
Needs no recognition
Is humble
Sees difference as a richness
Allows
Understands the bigger picture, the meaning of life
Knows ones souls mission
Is detached
From being to doing
Sees beauty
Bigger then any religion
Doesn't need boxes or labels
Feels
Is gentle
Has mercy

FEAR:
Is jealous
Is controlling
Is possessive
Is loud
Is cold
Is angry
Blame's others
Is a victim
Needs gurus and teachers
Does not know who true self is
Needs people to like one self
No respect
Needs outside validations like money, tittles, big cars and likes in Facebook
Needs possessions
Is scared of many kinds of things like diseases, death, bacteria and so on
No trust in life, but control
Not relaxed
Wears masks
Settles
People pleasing
No boundaries
Talks behind one's back
Has a lot to say without no action
Doesn't want to face the dark corners of one self
Wants to keep one stuck and small
Wants others opinions about everything
Not able to make decisions
Busy (because it makes one feel important)
Disrespect
Selfish
Needs to be always right
Needs to force one's point of view to others
Makes jokes from others
Is attached to people and places
Complains
Interferes into others life's
Gives advices without asking
Low self esteem
No self love
Is tough
Pushes
From doing to being
Labels things to good and bad
Plays games
Deceives
Uses others
Anger
War
Racism
Puts things into boxes and gives labels
Judges
Negativity
Misuses power

I feel like within these last ten years I have kind of awaken from a dream I was living and that I thought was the ultimate truth. I see now that everything and everybody here has a purpose. I can see the bigger picture. I am having like this view of a giraffe. Sometimes I look at my life and I can so clearly see the roles and the games I have been playing. It is not easy to change the things that I have gotten used to for so long. To start to think differently. To start to see things differently. To start to talk and act differently. Specially when nothing outside of you is not supporting you in any way.

We are so scared of being authentic and being rejected that we keep on playing the old games just that we can be part of the community or our families. I can't do this anymore.

I have decided long time ago that I will let my ego and my mind to step aside and I allow my heart and my higher self to guide me. They can see and understand things that I can not. Nor can my ego or mind. I do still question my higher self's choices sometimes, but at the end, I surrender. I know that my higher self will always guide me to the right places and towards right people. I still have fears. I don't think that they will ever disappear. There will always be situations where I have to find my strength in order to move forward. But I do despite the fear.

I allow myself to have my dark days as well as my crying days. I allow everything these days. I turn inside over and over again. If some days I look at other people in my life and I reflect something from them, I allow that too. But then I turn inside again. I am my business, no one else. I am willing to face my fears and I am totally detached from people. I don't need anyone to make me happy, only I can do it. I take care of my inner child all the time. I am not always happy with the emotions that arise, but I accept them. I understand now that I don't need to be happy all the time. We are thought that this is how it should be. That we should be happy all the time. But this is not true. Those "bad days" are just as valuable as "the good days". After all, they are just days with different kind of feelings, that's all.

I know now that I came here for a reason. I came here for something that has not been revealed yet. I just have this inner, deep knowing that this is so. I have learned to be patience and I have learned, that it is not always about me, when things are not moving forward, as I was thinking they should.

In my old days I thought I knew what love is. I thought I knew what freedom is. I thought I knew what joy, happiness and peace is. I thought long time ago that I knew how to let go. How to surrender. That I was not controlling anything or anyone anymore. I thought I knew what inner power is and what deep inner knowing was. Well let me tell you, that I had no idea! It is only when these things really hit the cord of you, yes, then you know. I had to learn to experience these things so deeply and it was not easy.

Bit by bit I am wrapping up my past. The places and people in it. I had a walk today by the lake we have here and I was thinking, that I have been living here about 30 years. I have moved away and then came back. Moved again and came back. So it is understandable that this process takes a little bit time. It is scary to let go of the place that has been such a big part of me for so long. So I need to allow myself to be sad. I need this time to let go. I need to go back to my memories of this place and the people in it, over and over again. So I am very well taken care of by the Universe. I am not forced to move forward until it is absolutely sure that I am ready for it. Divine timing.

What ever is meant for me, will be. I don't have to sit in a meditation for 24 hours for that or do huge manifestation maps in order to get what is meant for me. All I have to do, is be me. Trust that my higher self will guide me forward when it is time.

And so I am wrapping up the old and allowing the new to sink in. Life is a one big process, a marathon and we all signed up here voluntarily. Just like in the marathon, you don't give up, even though the going gets tough. You just keep on going, one step at the time. And the good thing is, that if I don't realize, that it is time to make a move, the Universe will organize it for me. So I can relax and just be. In the moment. Here and now and say my goodbyes as long as I need to. Cry if I need to. And in this way knowing, that I am just making room for the new.