GOOD PERSON VERSUS NICE PERSON

I am learning so much about relationships. These past few years it has been all about this or at least it feels like that. How blind have I been to my own behavior before and how differently I see things now. I must say that I have matured a lot!

Before it was so important to have lots of social contacts. It was very important to me to get along with everybody and the ammount of shit I have taken from others because of this. And don't get me wrong, the little draumatized girl in me, also was behaving badly. 

Before I might done things that hurt people and I was very aware about that factor. But my pleasure in that moment was more important then the shit I had to deal with afterwards. I had so little respect towards myself, so how could I have respected others?

Since the relationships have been the big deal lately, I have realized that people pleasing is a very toxic behavior pattern. Not only are you disrespecting yourself by pleasing others and bypassing shitty behavior, but people pleaser don't have any boundaries. A people pleaser cares about what others think too much and are very scared that someone gets angry at them and will not like them anymore. 

People pleaser has a very very low selfesteem. 

"A people pleaser personality means a person feels a strong urge to please others, even at their own expense. They may feel that their wants and needs do not matter and they can alter their personality around others." 

This is why a people pleaser can never be authentic and honest.

Being "mr nice guy" is more important then selfrespect and selflove. I was not aware at all how much this behavior hurt me. But now, one person at the time, the people in my life are teaching me to let go of this people pleasing behavior. When someone does something disrespectful to me, I feel it in my whole body! 

I can not "let it slide" anymore. Before I would have been scared to loose them, if I say something, but now, I don't care. I am the most important person in my life and if I don't stand up for me, who will? How can I expect loyalty from others, if I don't have it towards myself? I have to take care of me, as I expect others to care for me.

For me, a good person is someone who is not afraid to dive deep in their soul. They are willing to do the inner work, instead of repeating the same shit again and again. A good person might fuck up, but they are willing to learn,  take responsibility of their actions and have pure intention NOT to do the same mistake again. A good person is changing this world into more mature and loving place and this is something a people pleaser can never do! 

I remember this saying: "If you bow to a person in front of you remember, at the same time, you are showing your ass to another behind you." 

This to me, is people pleasing. You can not win! Someone will always get upset! There will always be drama and other bullshit. After you didn't have the guts to confront this one, but "you took their side", the other one gets angry, because you took the other ones side. Lot of backstabing and gossiping. Lot of behind someones back talks. Huoh. A very toxic and vicious circle! 

But if you aim to become a good person, you start from you. You think of your actions, before acting. You think of your words, before saying them. You choose wisely the people you want close to you. You will have their back, no matter what, just as they will have yours. No matter if someone gets angry or upset. No one will disrespect you or your family and friends! A good person truly values themselves and this means they truly value the people in their life. They don't betray, but stay loyal. People pleser can never do this. 

A good person loves and respects themselves a lot and this energy is spread to the environment and to everyone they meet. A good person don't create drama or hurt. People pleaser does. A good person knows how to set boundaries with clarity and truth, not by being mean or calling names or by blame. 

A good person takes this world forward with love and honor, not with power and force. Not by games and lies. But with authenticity, inner power, clarity, honesty and the biggest thing.... No bullshit from anyone! A good person teaches us to mature and stop playing small. 

If this whole world would learn how to be a good person instead of a nice person, this world would be a totally different place. 

Well, this is my goal! To become a good person! When I look at this world and I see the lack of awareness, it sometimes shocks me! How can we be so blind to our own behavior? How can we be so imature? How is it that we can not see that hurt people hurt people? But. I know that this was me before and all I can say is thank god my soul guided me to awaken to my own bullshit and it guided me to stop hurting me and from that hurt inner place, others. 

I know I am becoming a good person and for that I am very proud! It has not been easy, but the way I feel inside now I know, it was worth the pain and letting go's!

LIMITATIONS ARE BLESSINGS?

We are taught that limitations are negative. I am sure that all of us got aware of limitations when the whole world stoped few years back. Then we were not able to travel as we wanted, there were curfews and so on. We felt like our freedom was taken away. 

We can also feel limited by lack. Lack of money, lack of relationships, lack of health and so on. Since I am learning new ways of being I have been eager to learn more about shifting my mindset and seeing "glass half full" instead of "glass half empty". I am not trying to force anything, even new ways of thinking, but I am intriguined on how to see things in a new light. 

I have felt very limited last couple of years. I have limited resourses, no creativity, less and less people around me and so on. I am very okey and at peace with this, but of cause, as a human, I wonder what the hell is going on. 

Well, today I learned something new about "limitations" and I want to share this fascinating info with you. A new way to look at "limitations". Or lack for that matter.

I believe that we are here to learn. Learn about ourselves, learn how to unconditionally love ourselves, how to have healthy self respect and boundaries. And so on. 

The way I see is that we are here to mature and evolve and take this world towards more loving way of living. We are here to learn how to combine our soul with our bodies. I could not live without taking care of my soul as much as I take care of my body. 

My own experience is that everything and everybody I see in my life, reflects some part of myself. For example, some relationships just naturally fade away, because we are in a different place energetically. Why this also happens, in my own experiense, is because maybe the person who you are not connecting as before, has traits you used to had in you, but not anymore. This is why you can not relate anymore.

As I do my inner work, my energy changes. My behavior changes. I am changing and as I have written before, we outgrow people, situations and even places. This is natural. And now we get to what I learned today about the limitations. 

If we only look at limitations from minds perspective, we loose the positive side of it. We have to look at it from the souls perspective, so that we can see and understand the bigger meaning behind it. 

Imagine a river or a stream where the water is running. The way the water runs is being guided by banks. Banks create "a path" for the water. Now the water knows where to flow instead of "going all over the place". This kind of path is created to us also with limitations. They create this energetic container for us to stop, look inside, to learn more about ourselves. To keep us "on the right track". 

In this world there are so many possibilities, options and info that without any limits, we would come crazy. It would just be too much to handle. I used to worked like crazy and took too much on my schedule and at the end it was impossible to handle it all. I didn't have any limits. Until burnout stopped me. The Universe stepped in. It was an intervention!

So, if we don't create limits to ourselves, the Universe does it for us. It is like a loving father who stops us from breaking ourselves. We get sick or depressed and so on. One way or another the Universe will stop us. Why, because it wants us to get quiet, turn inwards and listen to our soul, our hearts. Get back on track. And learn, learn, learn!

 I loved this metaphor I heard today:

"Think about a bee that takes its time in one flower. It is patient, persistant and diggs deep and as a reward, he gets the most best nectarine ever from that flower. Compare this to a bee that is flying from flower to flower and only gets the juice from the top level of the flower (superficial life). This bee will never get to taste the divine nectarine that was available for him all along."

Limitation or lack is a beautiful gift from the Universe! How do I react if I don't have money? How do I feel if I am in a place that doesn't resonate with me anymore at all? What do I have to let go and do so that I could move on?

Once you know your limitations (inner and outer), you create an energetic container for yourself. Now you know what the boundaries are and you can actually relax. This is where the real creativity starts to happen. Think about a painter. He sets up his container = limits = boundaries first. What is it that he wants to paint? Water colors or acryl colors? What colors he is going to use and so on. Once this container is set, the creativity can flow freely. 

We are like children who need clear boundaries. A child needs very clear guidelines and within them, they feel safe. Children don't have the capasity yet to create them by themselves. And as we grow up, our energy containers get bigger, but we still have to take care of our limitations. 

Limits, the energy container created by the Universe, gives us a change to dive deep into our beeing in every way. The space (limitation/container) is created, because it is needed. It doesn't matter if we are aware of this need or not. It is needed, if it happens. These limitations are the spaces where the inner growth happens! 

So, limitation is actually just another way for the Universe to take care of you, so that you don't get overwhelmed by the external. It gives you the space and time to internally get ready for your next phase. Let go of the old (beliefs, fears, behavior and so on), so that you create a bigger container for the new!

Limitations give us the guidelines in which to function in each moment, so that you can relax and learn all the lessons needed. Your heart knows how to set these limitations and by following its guidance, you will always have right kind of container you need in that moment. This serves you, it never "limits" you. 

And truly, after this almost two years of "limitation", this stagnate situation, I start to see the blessings. How much I have changed! How different I am from this person who came here less than two years ago! Without this space given to me, I would have never ever grown inside this fast! How cool is this? How can it NOT be a huge blessing?!?

Ah, this Universe works in mysterious ways! Like a child, I might first get a tantrum and fight against it, but then I accept, settle down, get inner peace and from there, the inner wisdom and the lessons. Huoh, I absolutely love it! If I could only learn NOT to fight against "what is", but instead would learn how to relax and trust. Sometimes it is just so that things don't go as we want, but the way they are meant to. 

True freedom is beond our limiting beliefs! What is it that truly limits us? It is only our own mind! And that, my lovies, is something we can work on!