MY UNIQUE PATH FINALLY GOT TURNED ON

I have been having this flu now for almost two weeks. This is why I have been taking it easy. Relaxing, not much exercise, watching Netflix and sleeping. I really feel like this situation is a big, fat joke! Life has felt heavy, I am tired, feel like 100 years old with no joy or energy what so ever! I don't see people that much, I just want to be by myself. Isolation is the word of the day. I cry a lot and I know that these tears are the tears, I have never allowed myself to cry before. I am breathing, but not really feeling alive. 

What is interesting to me is, that I haven't really felt too much anxiety or frustration like I have before. I am just like "okey, this shit keeps going on again today, can't really bother to give a fuck anymore!" Just accepting that this is how life looks like at this moment. Not fighting against the situation. Actually, I have been managing this quite well, to be honest. And because it has been so heavy and confusing, all I can do is laugh. And cry. And watch some more Netflix. Thank god for Netflix!

"Oh love, I know this phase has not been easy for you", says Victoria (my soul, my higher self). "But if you think about it now, what is it that has changed?"

Hmmm...Well. To be honest, there are plenty! Let's start with exercise. I have always been crazy when it comes to exercise. I have been even cruel to my body, because of the external defenitions of how our bodies should look like. And now, my body is on strike! It just don't want to move. At all! No yoga, no weight lifting, no cardio, nothing. Maybe just long, slow walks, where I can enjoy the fresh air and nature. But that's all. I feel like all the beliefs that I have about my body, are falling away. I have been learning to love my "lovehandles", my saggy arms, my cellulite, all of it. 

Since I have always been so harsh on myself, my body has been stiff and hard too. Now, everything is changing. My body is getting softer, more juicier. What is interesting is, that I have not gotten that much more weight at all. I am learning how to love my body in this moment, just the way it is. Now, I am letting my body rest and recover from years of exercise abuse. And she (my body) is enjoying every minute of it! 

I know I will eventually learn new ways to take care of my body, but all the beliefs when it comes to food, exercise and other things I have heard from outside of me, are falling away. The only thing I can do, is listen to me.

"Yey!!!!", Victoria shouts. She is so happy to hear this. "Compassion, this is what you are finally showing to yourself. You couln't do it before, because there was nobody else there for you. Even still, you are on your own, but now, you have more trust, you are more relaxed, less controlling and more patient, so no need to push yourself anymore. Things will be fine. To be honest my love, our fairy tale is just starting!"

Oooo, I agree! I have followed so many "spiritual leaders" over the years and now, for the last couple of days, I have unfollowed them all. I care, but I don't. Today, as I was relaxing in the sofa, having my lunch, I heard Victoria wispering so clearly: "Today, your own unique path has been turned on."

I had to stop for awhile and I was like "what"?!?

Today, my own unique path has been turned on. It is time.

What does this mean?!?

"Love, do you remember, when earlier today, you told your friend, that it is time to "not to listen to other people stories"? That before they did inspire you, but now, that is not the case. You said that now, it is time to find your own story", says Victoria. 

I do! I was very passionate about this. It came out with such a power, that I even needed to call back to my friend and apologize. I respect everybodys journey and I have been following people who I have seen as forerunners. I have needed the guidance. But now, all of a sudden, all of these people and their stories or their directions, just drop away. I am finally ready to find out how my story unfolds! Oh my god, what a relief!!!

"Yes, this is so cool!!!!", shouts Victoria. "I have been waiting for this!!!! As you claim your own power back from the people you have been following, "the forerunners" so to say, you finally gave yourself and your team a permission to move forward. Remember when you said that you are done with healing? Have you noticed since then, that you really can not go back into very deep thoughts like before?"

Oh, actually this is true. I might feel something, but I haven't really been thinking about "why" anymore. The feeling just is and then it goes away. It is true. I haven't had that feeling of "I need to know why" anymore. I don't care. Past is past. I have dealt with it and the rest comes to my attention if needed. Victoria is right. After claiming that I am done with the healing, I just can't dig deep anymore. Cool!

"This is it!", says Victoria. "Today, you did the same. You claimed that you want to know what your own story looks like and this my love, openned the gates for you! It seems that as humans, you forget how fast the energy moves. So what seemed right yesterday, doesn't seem right today. So anything that has been thaught about this journey by the forerunners, has been true, 100 % for them, at that time. There might be similarities still, but now it is so important for all of the humans to understand, that you might be in the same energy wave, if I may call it that. But your journeys are yours. Unique. And really, no one can not say what your fairy tale looks like. Only we can. You, me and Roger (my ego). And today, you finally openned the gates. You gave us a permission to move forward and for this, me and Roger are so happy!"

Oh, me too. I feel different inside. It is even hard to explain it. All I know, that "the game is on", just because I was finally able to let go of anybody elses stories of how life should look like. From now on, it is about what we want and what is brought to us. Everybody has to follow their own paths how ever it looks like to them. 

It is a weird feeling to feel this shift. It is almost like somekind of switch got turn on all of a sudden. Oh my god! I am happy beond!!!!!! I almost lost my faith to be honest. I was sure that nothing will change, but what I feel now, is so exiting!! This is so interesting!!! All this inner work. So many fears and beliefs. So many tears. So much hurt. So much heaviness. So much being and accepting what is. Just surviving. For so long being a follower, instead of a leader. Wow! This is incredible! I am finally stepping into my own, unique story without listening to anybody else. 

I don't know what this means or what does it physically look like, but I can not wait! This is our (me, Victoria and Roger) fairy tale and finally I am able to claim it fully! 

DONE WITH HEALING

I participated in a healing session yesterday. This one was something I have never done before and the method was new to me. We did this in a group and you can have your own intention when entering the session. It was intense, but very interesting. I have known that we carry the weight of our familylines from far behind, even past lifes, but still, what came up in this session amazed me. Unfortunately I can not go into the details, because everything that happenned there, is confidential. But let's just say that we were able to lift the burdens in a very powerful way. Not only ours, but some of our ancestors too! Now they are finally at peace and something heavy has left from my mind and body. 

"Oh my, it surely was interesting!", says Victoria (my higher self) and Roger (my ego). "You humans have so much to heal and now more than ever, we feel you! It takes so much courage to go through this process!"

I agree. I was so humble and honored to be there and witness these processes! Unbelieveble stories!

BUT! In the evening a new thought came to my mind. 

"I AM DONE WITH HEALING!", Roger shouted. "I feel like the only thing we have been doing for such a long time, is healing! I am tired of it!! Healing, healing, healing.... Ah, there is so much in this life to experience and we are just healing and healing and healing! I want to LIVE!"

"Roger Roger, you are so right to be honest", says Victoria. And I agree.

For a moment Roger gets quiet. He can not believe that we agree! Normally he has to bend and give up, but this time, me and Victoria, we take him into a big hug and yes! We fully agree 100 %!

"What's going on?", he says in wonder. 

"Darling, you are so right. This is a process that has been going on for a while now and I am happy that YOU Roger, are the one, who wants to move on. I was sure that you want to stick into the things we have gotten familiar with. I was sure, that when we come to this phase, you would be fighting against this. And I am so happy we are seeing this eye to eye! I absolutely love it!", shouts Victoria and claps her little hands. 

I am totally out now too. What is going on? I don't feel like I am healed yet. What does this all mean?! Roger is sitting next to me and we are holding hands. We are curious to hear what Victoria has to say. 

"Well, my loves, let me explain this", she laughs. Then she stands in front of us like she would be on a stage and the audiense, me and Roger, oh we are ready to hear this! TED -talk by Victoria we laugh!

"Healing is something that takes time and efford, at first. But we have done it now for such a long time, that it has become almost like automatic, if I can say it this way. What I mean by this is that Saija already knows the process. She knows how it goes and she knows what to do. So now, we will be still healing, but from now on, we don't always have to understand or know why something is coming up. Or where does it relate to. It just happens. Healing process has become part of us. It might be a feeling that we now know how to feel. It might be tiredness and now we know how to rest and take it easy. It might be something in our body, but now we know how to deal with it, because we can hear the whispers of the body. She is now fully included into our being." 

"I am surpriced that Roger got tired, because for sure, it is easy to stay in a place that you know. It can be a healing journey or a relationship or what ever that makes you feel comfortable. But I am so very happy that we are willing and ready to leave our comfort zone and be now fully open for something new! We are here to experience life after all, with all it's glory!" 

I love this! I have become conscious enough to feel and do what our team needs. I am finally hearing myself fully! I am so happy about this! We don't always have to dig so deep and this was a epiphany Roger got yesterday evening as he was expressing his feelings about healing. Uuuuu, thank you Roger love! You are the best! Oh my god! Because to be honest, it is time to "leave this healing circle behind and move on to what ever is next for us. I am so ready!

"Yes love", says Victoria. "If I can say, you are whole enough to move on. As I said, healing will go on, but now it is time to let this be and allow new things and new thoughts, new people to enter into our life. All the events and people that we will meet in the future, will teach us more and more about us and we will be "healing" along the way. Humans will always learn and heal as long as they are here on earth. And now it is time to thank us for our bravery and move on."

We are so ready! To be honest this feels like a huge relief to me. Healing is beautiful and it does lighten you up. But it also takes you to some dark places inside of you and that, feels heavy now. So let the healing happen as it happens, but I truly want to start to investigate more what new will come my way. What does this new Saija want? What does she like? 

I have heard this from someone that we have to come fully empty until our inner fire can light up. That fire that has always been there, but was burried underneath my fears and beliefs. Well, I question this from my heart. Not that it was not true to others, but just that is this true to me?

"Well, I can not say anything about someone elses inner journey, but for us, at least at this moment, I think it is a little bit too much to think that we could be fully empty from everything. The thing is, Saija love, you will talk to people, you will do things like surf in the social media. This creates new beliefs all the time. As a human, it is impossible to avoid this. So as you live your everyday life, you hear sayings or talks that make you think and wonder and this is how it is supposed to be. In this lifetime you will question your own beliefs billion times! This is how the learning keeps going." 

"Your inner fire is on! It is another belief that it isn't just because it doesn't look like the way you Saija think it's supposed to look. If your inner fire wouln't be on, you couln't move on day after day. It is that inner fire that keeps you going. Keeps you healing. Keeps you waking up in the morning and getting into the shower even if there is nothing to do. Your inner fire is on, it was and it has been ever since you were born! Now, it is just changing into something different, new. Lets call it our authentic fire."

Wow! I am amazed! This is true. As I let go of this belief, I grab another one from somewhere else. 

"We are never stuck, our inner fire can not ever be out and the doors are always open. This is something that I really really want us to understand. If a minute is gone, it is old. It is in the past. No way to return into it. Outside the world may look the same, but every moment is fresh, new. The energy moves these days so very fast and this is why we can fully trust only the present moment. This is why planning ahead is getting difficult. You can not know how you will be feeling before hand. What ever is true in this moment, might not be true in the next. This is how much the energetic field has changed in the earth", continues Victoria. "Can you see now how much movement is happening, even if we can't see it?"

Sure! And I think I am learning new ways to be and it is not easy. At least our team can now move into the next phase in our life what ever it looks like. Maybe it is a job abroad or maybe it is not. Who knows. 

"Well, I am just happy you too took me seriously", Roger says. "It was about time!" Me and Victoria laugh. Let him be the bossman for a while, he deserves it. We end up giggling on the floor. Thank god we have each other and all our inner wisdom! We now claim the new era welcome!