DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE VULNERABLE

I went to Facebook yesterday morning and after I felt somehow.... I don't know, angry? The energy of Facebook is so unauthentic and I feel like the whole world is like this at the moment. Something is cooking under the surface and I can see this image in my head. It is like a big wave that is pulling back, before it hits the shore with full power. There is this weird feeling of quietness going on. Just like before the huge wave hits the beach, everything gets quiet and still. Energetically I mean.

Sometimes I feel this energy of resistance in every cell of my body. Nothing in this very moment, outside that is, is not aligned with who I am. There are only a few people that I feel comfortable at this time, so I wanted to gather my crew to talk about this. And about this energetic wave that is about to hit the earth. 

"How do you feel"? Victoria (my higher self) asks.

Well, I feel these energies are sometimes tough on me, because of the resistance of collective. When they don't want to face their traumas and fears, I feel it and and this is not easy. Not only am I clearing my own shit, but the collective shit is also running through me. Sometimes, specially when the day is intence, I feel very angry, because it seems so unfare.

"But then this is how you feel and it is okey. Allow it to be this way", says Victoria. "There is nothing wrong with this and it doesn't change anything. You are allowed to feel what ever you feel. Being authentic is to be real and this includes everything. We also have to bless our darkness and learn to love this side of us too."

I know this and this is why I don't fight against this. And actually, now it is time to let go of others for good. And collective too! With this I mean, that it is time to start to concentrate fully on my own energies and my journey and leave everything else outside. This means that I am here if people need me, but otherwise, I will concentrate on me. So I am connected, but totally detached. 

I feel it is time for me to practise the trust of your guidance Victoria. I have been looking at the astrological aspescts and some videos from y-tube, but now I understand that it is time to stand with my own two feet and leave all the outside noice. I only want to hear Victoria's voice, learn to listen to my intuition 100 % and learn not to ask outside validation to everything I create. I am learning to trust myself fully and myself only. And my crew of cause! 

"I am so very happy to hear this!", says Victoria and claps her hands. "We have all the info that we need and we can only live through our truth. This is a perfect time to step into this energy. This also allows the creative energy to flow in, because nothing outside is not giving you ideas or thoughts on how and what you should create. Now all the gates are open and we can start to create in our unique way. I am so happy about this!", she gigles. 

Even Roger (my ego) is quiet now. Even he feels overwhealmed at the moment. He tries to create stories around this energy, like fears about money and loosing all the people in our lives, but at the same time, he knows, that being in our own energy at the moment is the best thing to do. Could it be that even he is ready to fly?!?! 

"I still have my fears about your safety, but at the same time, I am getting excited. Even me I feel that something is coming towards us. I will try my level best not to create that many problems", he says. 

Me and Victoria take his hand and for a while, we sit in silence. Then I ask Victoria:

Why are people so closed up?! Why are they so affraid to open up and open their hearts?

"Love, as you know, before you were the same", says Victoria. "Loving someone and being vulnerable hasn't been safe, because in the old days, you got hurt, if you were. People used your vulnerability against you and hurt you this way. This was, because the ones who hurt you, were hurting inside too. Thank god you have healed your wounds and this is why you can be so open and authentic. And now you know with who you can be this way. When it is safe and when not."

"But the rest of the world are still in a process of doing this. Some of the souls can never do the healing in this life time and this means, they are coming back in another life to continue this process. It is okey to protect yourself at this time. This doesn't make you loose anything or miss anything. What ever is meant for you, will find you when the time is right. No need to fear. So be vulnerable. Keep yourself open. Open your heart space even more! This is your gift to this collective and eventually, the souls that are meant to follow, will."

I feel like I have been in my cocoon for so long and there is no end in sight. And my soul wants to come out and play already!

"Love, my advice to you right now, is to keep your energy protected", says Victoria. Stay home. Stay in your center. Stay in your power. You got this! This is why you came here and even though, right now, it is tough on you, this too shall pass. You will know very soon why you you were required to do this and go so deep. Don't worry about anyone else, but you", she says. 

What is this energetic wave I am feeling, I ask Victoria.

"Something big is cooking underneath the surface. Corona Virus was the first wave and very soon is time for the second energetic wave. At this point, I can not say more about this. Only that you are right, it is coming, but trutfully, no one knows how it is going to play out in this collective. All I know is that it will shaken the foundations of many, again. Oh, if I could give one advice to humans, I would say, please please deal with your inner world now, volunteerly. This would make this so much easier for them, so we wouldn't always have to go through the hard way."

"But this is something every soul chose and as I said before, this is not our business", she continues.

This is quite true and for me, I feel, this is going to be a good thing. I feel like this wave is going to align the energies a lot. I am getting excited! 

One more thing that I want to talk about is that I realized that as I came back to Finland and to these old surroundings, my inner light is getting smaller and smaller. I was so free and happy when I got here, but it seems like bit by bit, I am also turning to be gray and boring. I have to be very conscious about this. It is so easy to fall into old way of being. Into the old roles and expectations. But deep inside of me I know that it was meant to be like this, so that I am able to see the barriers that I create to myself. I make myself small and go back to these roles, because it is easier for others. This is how they remember me and this version of me is something, they can handle. 

"Open yourself honey! Set yourself free!" says Victoria. "You don't need to do this at all. Who ever can not handle you, it is time to let them go. Maybe when the energy is more aligned, they will come back. And if not, then some others, new people, will. There is nothing to worry about. Let yourself fly even if it is in your own home at the moment. Create your fairy tales and tap into this child like energy, because this is who you are! It is already time for you to understand that you are a diamond and you are supposed to shine! If to no one else, then to you. Focus only on you and your creative process. This is all you have to think about."

This is so true. It is time for me to start to be who I am, fully. Not pleasing anyone by not saying what is in my heart or sharing my wisdom to people, who don't appriciate it at all. 

"Actually love, where you come from, there is no language as you know. There is only energy. This is your language. This is why you feel everything so very deep. You know and sence things that others don't. Be proud of this. This is a unique tallent and words are not always needed. Only your presence is enough", says Victoria. "Let go and allow people to come to you when they are ready."

Yes, this is it. Even though I miss people and I miss action, at the moment there is nothing I can change or do when it comes to the outside world. Updating this blog and creating the group to Facebook, opened this huge portal to my creativity. So even if nothing comes out of this blog or group, it was meant to be. Nothing happens by change. Absolutely nothing. No action and not one singe word. All is meant to be.

I want to create fairy tales. I see myself as this cartoon character whose adventures are about to start. So now it is time to allow this creative energy to just flow and when the story is ready to come out, it will. Like song writing. When the song is ready to come out, it will. But not one minute before. 

So I keep taping into my own power center more and more and leave other people journeys to them. I want to hold this child like joy and creativity close to my heart and this means that my heart center has to be kept open. 

"We love this", Victoria and Roger shout! "Keep on going honey, you are doing a great job!"

Let the little Saija's adventures begin! Me I am creating a new world to myself and it feels very empowering to say "fuck it" and just do me. 

BE THE GODDESS

So it is, that the days and weeks in my second home in Africa, turned into months. Life was simple and nice. No planning, just going with the flow and being present in every moment. I loved it and sometimes hated it, but that's the way it goes! I never knew where I end up when I leave the house and for how long. I was and I am practicing "the new me". Now I have been back in Finland for a couple of months and I have loved the fresh air and our nature. Here is so pure and beautiful. 

I gather my crew today, because I want to talk about learning this new way of being. Roger (my ego) doesn't always agree with the rest of us, but it is okey. We are used to it and we don't allow him to disturb us that much. It is amazing to see how fast things that used to take days or weeks, now pass by within hours. I used to got caught up with Roger's arguments for too long, now it is not possible. Victoria (my higher self) is in charge!

Today I want to talk about self love. Being a goddess. Being the diamond I came here to be. I have noticed, that I have still expected people outside of me, to give me compliments and feedback. I have expected them to tell me that I am beautiful and that I am worthy. I have put huge expectations to the shoulders of others on how they should love me. And if they don't act the way I think they should, they actually don't love me. These are the games that Roger keeps on playing. He is always looking outside for validation and he is measuring the amount of love we get. Or don't.

I honestly thought that I have already cleansed all of these things. I though that I truly love myself unconditionally and yes, in some ways I do. But I need to have a chat with Victoria and have a chat about this with her. Why do I still look for validation outside?

"This is where your mirrors lie. When you look outside of you and you don't "get what you want", it is just a beautiful compass to your inside world. You will not "get what you want" from outside, until it is fully integrated inside", says Victoria. 

I sit with this for a while. So what does this mean, can you explain a little bit more?

"I bet, you have heard million times a quote "you create your own reality". But do you really understand this fully?" she asks.

Well, some part of me understands it, but some part is confused. For example, I don't ask for dark nights of the soul, but they come. Just like that, out of the blue! This is not the reality I want to create for sure! So when these days hit me, it is very hard to think positive or see the light at the end of a tunnel. Sometimes these days knock me to my knees and I feel like "fuck it". So is this what I create then?! 

"This is different love", says Victoria. "This is cleansing. You are just cleansing old beliefs and fears when this happens. When this process is on, there is no need to think about anything else, then just allow that to be and feel what you are feeling. If you feel down and upset, then it is so. This has nothing to do with creating your reality, but everything to do with being authentic and real."

"These dark days, are actually days, where I am in charge", says Roger. "Honey, I just want to keep you safe, so I honestly play all the trick that I can". 

We all start to laugh, because this is so true! Even if me and Victoria just want to relax, because we know the drill and we just want to feel the intensity and let it flow, Roger puts up a good play! He will create stories as much as he can, for sure, and one of them are these expectations from others.

"But, then we come to those days where the energy is cool, light, creative and nice. During those days, I believe, that you are feeling much more better and more like you. Those are the days where you can think of what is it that you do want to create in your life. Then the energy is aligned with your soul - with me! And I always know what is best for us! These days our creation is more about allowing ideas and thoughts to come to us, instead of forcing them. When Roger doesn't want things and validations, like tittles, anymore, it is easier to just be in the moment and allow everything to unfold naturally."

We all agree, that when the energies are lighter, Roger doesn't create drama that much anymore and this definitely is easier for all of us.

But back to this self love and outside validation. 

"As long as you don't believe that you are a diamond. That you are not worthy of all the abundance of the world, the outside world answers to that energy. You don't ever have to ask for no one to bring you flowers when you are fully aligned with your inner goddess. With unconditional love towards yourself. You will buy those flowers to yourself first and enjoy them fully, with all your heart! And then, maybe, to your surprise, someone will come to you with arms full of flowers", Victoria explains. 

"When you put expectations into others, you actually push them away. You give them an energetic pressure and this makes them feel like no matter what they do, they can not do it right. So basically you send them a message that they are not good enough, they are failing in loving you (themselves) and that their presence in your life is unsatisfying. And I don't think that this is a message any of us want to give to anybody!"

Uuu, this is so true! My god! I have felt the pressure of expectations, so I know how it feels and still, I have been doing it! Well, all I can do is to forgive myself and learn! Get conscious about my actions. 

"Love yourself!" Victoria shouts with a huge smile in her face. "Love as much as you can and use other people as a mirror to this self love! Give them love unconditionally, give them compliments, lift them up and hug them. Be the acceptance you want from others. The more love, acceptance and compliments you are able to give outside of yourself, the more love you are giving to yourself. Remember, you can only give and show love to others, as much as you can give it to yourself. And eventually, you will get all of that love back to you. Without asking for it or putting any expectations towards anyone. It will flow into your life freely and authenticly."

I love this! I can see that I haven't been ready to this, because I am used to get hurt when being open and sharing love to people. But now I don't care! Do me wrong... Well, I might not want to hang around you, but I surely will send you lots of love and keep on wishing all the best for you. And when it comes to the people around me, I still have work to do in order for me to learn to be more open and willing to express my love for them. 

"All you need is the willingness", says Victoria. "As long as you are willing, the Universe will step up behind you and help you. It will bring you situations and people where you can practice this in action. And you will learn this. I know you will and you can do this. Until you see it, you can not change it. But when it comes to your awareness, then the doors for changing old habits and beliefs are open". 

I love this! And I am willing to learn. After all, this is why we are all here. To love ourselves fully and it can only happen through different events and people in our lives. All I need to know right now is, that I am willing and I am okey with this. 

I am a goddess. I am a diamond. I am unique and worthy. And perfect enough.