I AM NOT A TEAPOT!

Today I heard a story about a sculptor who had gone to a school of pottery classes to learn more about this art form. After he said that everybody we're making teapots. That’s what everybody did. But he didn’t want to be the same. He didn’t want to do that. Make a teapot. At that time this sculptor was very young, but he already knew he had his own mind. So he created a ceramic sculptor and named the piece “I am not a teapot”. 

What he wanted to say with this was that he didn't want to fit into a box someone else had created. He had always known that “he was not a teapot”. He has had and has a strong mind of his own. A fire burning inside and no obstacle in life can turn off that fire.

After years of being still, mostly alone, out of the grid, living with this constant feeling of “I don’t belong”, this story resonated with me a lot. And it made me smile a bit too. Why in the world have I always been apologizing for my existence?! Thinking that I am the one who is not normal?! 

That’s because I have never fully accepted the fact that I am NOT a teapot! I actually have never truly valued, loved and respected this aspect in me. The fire I have inside. Until now.

When you become authentic, people who are still sweeping things “under the carpet”, wearing masks and are not ready to face fully their own inner world, will avoid you, even dislike you. An authentic person's energy is very real and honest and it pokes unauthentic people’s triggers big time. 

I did not come into this world to be “a teapot”. I did not come here to be "normal" (what ever that even means?!).  

Let me give you one example of what life looks like when you are NOT a teapot! 

I have lived in the same flat now for three years. Ever since I moved here I have known that this is not my home. But I also knew that here in Finland I could get the isolation that was needed in this period of my inner journey. I think we undervalue the time we spend alone and I have truly learned how to love my own company and space. I came to this town to close the door to the past, so that I can move on truly healed, matured, confident and free. 

Anyway, I have been fighting against this flat all this time and lately there have been so many issues in this place that I start to feel like I am living in a ghetto! 

Victoria (my soul) keeps whispering “I know it is hard, but hang in there! Your time will come and you will be moving on. It is just not time yet”. 

But we all know what happens to a human in a tricky, uncomfortable situation: “Alert alert! Trouble trouble! We need to find a solution and change the situation as soon as possible!!!!” This is how our mind works. This is what we are used to: “If something fucks you up, do something about it.” 

This is our deep conditioning. 

But when you are NOT a teapot, you learn to accept the discomfort. You become aware of why this is happening and why things are not physically moving. And this is not easy at times, because like I said, I have had this inner knowing ever since moving to this flat that it is not something that is going to last. So when time goes by, years go by, I haven't had any other choise than to lean on my inner knowing, trust it fully and allow my inner faith get stronger. This is not always given, so there are days when the doupt creeps in, but then I lean into my inner voice, to Victoria and when she says it's all going to be okay, I just somehow trust her 100 %. I can honestly say that I have become relaxed in this discomfort. It is in this discomfort where I have learned the most, I have grown a lot and my inner world has shifted fast. 

I have shared my discomfort with few people. All I wanted was to share what I am going through and I had this hope that people would just be there for me, just listen. But instead I get advice and solution suggestions. It is very hard for them to understand why I don’t do anything about the situation and just leave. My sharing pokes their own discomfort and since it is uncomfortable to feel this discomfort inside, it is easier to run away from it and “to do something about it”. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago the intensity of this long lasting situation got to me and so I decided to intentionally put myself to the test. I allowed Roger (my ego/mind) to take over and out of curiosity I wanted to see what happens. What happens inside of me, if I try to go back to my old ways? What happens if I go against my intuition and listen to my mind instead? What happens if I try to force things to happen?

Does the old way still work for me?

So I put Victoria’s whispers aside and I applied for a new flat. I got a call and we agreed that I would go and see the place. So I went to the showing and OMG, the flat was beautiful! High room with a huge balcony. Lots of light, very clean and I just knew I could make it my home. The only issue was that they were asking for a 12 month lease. Or I thought that this was the issue why I started to hesitate with giving a green light for this. 

The truth is that Victoria’s voice got a bit louder during this process. “I am sorry love, but this is not meant for you. Yes, it is beautiful and yes, it is more peaceful. But it is not for you. Your time will come.”

But because I had decided to try the old ways of being, I went ahead and said that I am interested knowing all along that it is not meant for me. 

And next night, OMG! I couldn’t sleep at all! I was turning and turning! My mind was racing and my body was on high alert. Because I went against my intuition and inner knowing I immediately went back to survival mode! Stress and anxiety came back! When I woke up the next morning I was so exhausted. I couldn’t believe the reaction I had both in my mind and in my body!

In the afternoon I got the call and as I knew, I didn’t get the flat. And instead of being disappointed, my whole body released a huge sigh. Relaxation and peace were back within seconds! My nervous system got relaxed and I could breath well again. 

Now I proved to myself that I can not go back to the old ways. I can not live against my own flow, my own inner guru, my inner knowing and my own divine timing. For the human side of me, everything doesn’t always make sense and can feel very hard at times, but Victoria knows the best. I will not test her again! 

Whatever my next step is, I will know it when the time is right. This experiment was also such a good reminder to me that when something is meant for me, I will not only know it, but I will also FEEL it! 

No matter what other people say, I have to do what my heart tells me to do. If she keeps saying “not yet”, then it is not yet. Let people get uncomfortable. 

Because I am not a teapot, my life doesn’t look like what society expects it to look like. I now truly start to appreciate my own uniqueness. My intuition and inner guidance. My unique wisdom. My courage to just be and allow. And act when it is time. I don’t feel like I don’t belong anymore, because I have found my way home to me. 

I am creating a work of a lifetime as the sculptor of my own life and for sure, it is not going to be a teapot! As all creative people know, you can not force an art piece! It is ready when it is ready and so you keep changing, molding and learning until the piece is ready. And you are ready. For the past few years I have been sculpting myself inside, so that I was able to break “the norm” and start to fully appreciate the fact that I am not a teapot!