TEAM UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!

I think that at this time, we have two teams in this world:

Team unconditional love = healing (oneself) the world
Team conditional love = hurting (oneself/others) the world

The gap between these too, are somehow getting bigger and bigger. Many team unconditional love members are isolated at this time, doing their inner work in quietness and in their own space while observing the chaos created by the team conditional love.

Now, I want to remind you that neither one of these teams are "better than the other". Just different. I used to belong to the team conditional love, so no judgement from me! My prayer for the world today is however, that more and more people would have the courage to jump into the team unconditional love.

I have learned that the most important thing missing in today's world is taking responsibility and accountability. When we don’t do this, we keep hurting ourselves, others and this world.

We all know how we can blame others when we feel bad. It is always someone else's fault, if we feel anger, resentment or overall disappointment in our lives. I used to do it, of course. I didn’t have the awareness to take my life into my own hands. And now I can fully see how toxic this was.

Let’s dive deeper. 

I live in a building where smoking is not allowed anywhere else than in two spots marked for it. Underneath me lives a neighbour and he kept smoking inside. I truly don’t care, because I can not control others. But. The smell started to come inside my house. So I went nicely to talk to him and I asked him if he smokes inside. He denied. I said okay. 

In the evening the smell came again and not only cigarette, but weed as well. This time I sent a message to our landlord. I had to do it four times before he finally stopped. 

Now I have become the bitch of the story. Why, because he did not take any responsibility for his own actions, so the blame of the anger he felt inside, had to be put on someone else. And yet, he is the one who chose to live in a place where smoking inside was not allowed. He was the one who broke that agreement. 

A driver fucks up in the trafic, the the police confronts them, maybe gives them a ticket and now the police is the villain of the story. Why? Because the driver didn't take any responsibility for his actions and he puts his anger of getting caught on to the police.

A girlfriend dismisses you and she talks to you very badly. When you confront her and tell her that it doesn’t feel good and that she shouldn’t do that, she gets angry. Now you become the villain of her story, because she doesn’t take accountability of her own words and behavior. 

This is why we have so much hatred and anger in the world, because the guilty one for our triggers, feelings and behavior are always somewhere else. The vicious circle keeps going on and on. This is how team conditional love (hurting the world) works. 

These are just a few examples of how hatred toward others emerges.

We blame our spouses, our family, our friends, our co-workers, black people, white people, muslims, christians and on and on and on. 

The same thing happens when we are angry and resentful towars our own parents. We blame our dad who was abusive and a drug addict while all along it is about us refusing to feel the pain caused by this. So we use them as an excuse to fuck up our lives. We blame them for all our mistakes and misery.

We literally give the power of our lives to these people without realizing it. But they were broken by their own parents and they kept the circle going and broke us. This is how the team conditional love operates. And all along, healing our inner world and taking charge of our own lives, was our responsibility.

I did this for sure, before I took my life into my own hands. Before I took full responsibility for all aspects of my life. It doesn’t mean that what happened to me is right, but I am the one who needs to feel and heal and understand that these happenings don’t define me.

My life is what I make of it, no matter what happened to me.  

Not taking responsibility for our own inner world, feelings, words, actions and situations is just another way to avoid looking in the mirror and dealing with our own inner and outer circumstances. We leave or lose beautiful people, because we get triggered and can not face those triggers. Not taking responsibility results in fights, arguements, anger, hatred, resentment, avoidance, drama and anxiety. Or numbness. 

These triggering relationships are trauma bond relationships trying to lead you inside to your feelings and wounds. 

In my own inner journey I got to a point where I finally turned things around and this was the final key in my self love journey. Instead of blaming others, I started to ask questions:

Why am I still allowing this person to hurt me? Why am I still trying to change this person? Why am I still looking for validation and confirmation? Why am I still explaining myself? What keeps me in this situation where I am not okay? Why am I still caretaking my grown ass people?  

And so on. Millions of questions. Always rising when there was a situation where I felt uncomfortable or where I was beating myself up for doing this or saying that. Only by asking these questions I was able to get to the root cause of the issue inside myself and heal it.

It is as simple as this: whatever is going on in your life, it is on you. Either you allow it or you create it. It is not about others. They are purely a mirror to you to your own inner and outer world. 

Now, I want to make it clear that sometimes life happens no matter what we do! If I am doing my inner work and taking full responsibility for my life, I can not always blame myself for the outside world's happenings. This is toxic spirituality! What I am talking about here are the events in our lives that happen as a result of refusing to look inside and instead we keep blaming others.

If you have someone in your life that is still bullying you, why do you allow it? If there is someone talking bad about you behind your back, why are you still allowing it or hanging around with people like that? If you decide to smoke in a place where it is not allowed and someone confronts you, why do you get angry? If you cheat in a relationship and your spouse gets angry, why do you get offended? Why are you in a relationship where you have to make yourself small and please your spouse? 

It is true, we can not expect a different outcome, if we keep doing the same things over and over. Changing my life was on me, not anybody else. 

If I truly wanted to heal and love myself unconditionally, I had to take full responsibility and accept the fact that I would lose people, jobs and situations that were familiar to me. And when I finally took full responsibility of my life, boundaries were the key!

Before you take full responsibility for your triggers, your healing, your feelings, your actions and words, for how your life is going, what you are doing and who you hang around with, you can not be in your own power. Full responsibility is true freedom. 

And it is beautiful when someone, like this boy downstairs, gets me. We ended up having a conversation and he understood where I was coming from. I did not want bad things to happen to him, I did not have hatered towards him. I did not talk to him from anger, but peace in my heart. I just wanted my house to be smoke free. We ended up having a mature conversation. He understood where I was coming from and took responsibility. He heard me! No more anger, but full understanding between us and we are okay now. 

We are the products of our conditioning, beliefs and fears that people around us feed us. Dare to question! Dare to challenge everything and all you have been told. Dive inside and get so interested in yourself that you want to know where your own anger comes from. 

No one in this world is born with hate in their heart. Hatred is taught. And we all know that hate can not be won with hate. 

Only by taking full responsibility for our own lives can we truly be authentic, free and have a healthy life. There is no room for arguments, fights, anger, hatred, resentment or blaming others for how we feel. But there is room for more growth, more learning from each other, more understanding, more empathy, more mercy and grace. More maturity. And for sure there will be more love and peace!

Team unconditional love is the team that keeps working on themselves. They might not be perfect and that is not the point even, but for sure they take full responsibility, if they fuck up!

And I'm all about team unconditional love = healing (me) the world!