LETTING GO AGAIN AND AGAIN

I can feel how I am struggling to write! It has been so long since I have written anything anywhere and now I feel like I really want to do it, but nothing is coming out. So I sit, I feel the frustration and I sit again. I wait, I allow all the feelings to come out. I keep looking at the computer and Roger (my ego) keeps nagging to my ear: "You should forget about it and go out! You need fresh air, not this!" 

But Victoria (my soul) wants me to sit. To be. And allow all the emotions to run. I even feel like crying, so frustrating this is! I sometimes hate the fact that I can not force ANYTHING any more!

“Love, this is so understandable! But now you are learning how to flow. How to allow. How to lovingly poke your creativity. It doesn’t really matter what you write, as long as you write. And can you see, once you just are present and let your fingers fly over the keyboard, words just start to come out!”

That’s true! I can not believe this! Suddenly, the words just start to flow! Oh, how nice this feels! So let it flow!

Today I want to talk about beliefs that we adopt from others. I let this belief go and then I read something from social media or hear it from someone else and BOOM! Another belief has become part of my system!

Long time ago, I was following this one couple who I was looking up to. They were the forerunners of mine and I read the blog they kept too. I loved the writings! They resonated with me and helped me a lot in my own journey. There were some writings that made me and Roger think. Are things like this blog “old”? Is coaching others “old”? Are spirit guides and angels “old”? And so on. And by old, I mean old energy. Old way of being.

Victoria, what do you think about this?

“Well, this is the challenge with the spiritual “teachers”, she says. 

And before Victoria continues, I want to mention that this couple I was following were NOT spiritual teachers, but just genuinely sharing their inner journey, their wisdom and experience with others. 

“Normally when people start this inner journey, their healing, we need teachers. I know we needed all kinds of teachers to help us in the beginning and still along the journey. Connecting to your heart and soul when you have not done it consciously ever, is all so new and scary. And this is why you might need guidance and support in order to know about all the methods that are available. You might need a therapist, like we did. You might need books, courses, retreats and so on and this is totally okay. 

But there comes a time where you have to be brave enough to let go of all teachings of others and learn how to stand on your own two feet. Meaning that you start to learn how to trust your own feelings, your own intuition and your own heart. And this, this is unique! This is something you can not learn from anybody else. This is the period where you become your own guru!

So basically, all the teachers and methods have been teaching you how to connect with your true self and once you have learned this, you start to practice on your own and you can finally let go of any outside influence. This way there can not be any gurus that you would blindly follow without questioning anything. At the end there is only one way for you and that is based on your journey and your own inner guidance.

We need all kind of guidance, because we are all in different stages in our soul journeys. Someone will not even start their inner journey in this lifetime, some will stay in a certains stage and this is why we have all kinds of teachers.

But. The new way of "teaching" is sharing. This means that you are sharing your journey, but not claiming that this is the only way. Instead you share what you feel, so that others can relate, maybe learn, maybe feel supported and most of all, learn that they are not alone. It is NOT about teaching, but sharing the awakening experience."

I love this! I needed to hear this today, because to be totally honest, even though I don’t spend time on social media that much anymore, I still hear the words or remember the texts of others I used to follow. I can now clearly see that I have been adapting some beliefs from these people and now I have to let them go! Whatever feels good and right to me, then that is good and right for me, no matter what others do or say. 

This surely is not easy, because how often do I feel like I am doing something wrong when things are feeling “stuck” or not going the way I want them to go and then it seems like everybody else seems to have everything figured out! How frustrating!

“Love, what is happening is that you are just letting go of control, still. Roger NEEDS to know and when I am not ready to give answers, he freaks out! He is doing so much better, but can you see now how deep these control issues go! It has been the coping mechanism for soooo long and now, it just doesn’t work anymore for you”, says Victoria. 

I know this and I am doing better in relaxing at the moment. I am doing better in trusting and knowing that things will be okay. But I can see and feel that even though I am NOT acting on wanting to change things, I really really would like to take control! 

“Can you believe me when I say that the less you think you know, the better! The best advice I can give you right now is a mantra: “ I don’t know anything!”, Victoria laughs. 

Of my. What the hell?, I laugh! 

“Yes, this is what “letting go of control” looks like. This is when you truly trust me to guide us. This is when Roger surrenders and allows me to fully take the lead. You will know when I will guide you, but before that, you practice surrendering, letting go of control and trusting. And most importantly, letting go of anybody else’s doings or teachings! 

How I guide you, is by feeling. By gut feeling, by intuition. When there is something I need you to know, if there is a move we have to make, trust me, I will be so loud, you can not miss it!”, she laughs. “Until then, relax!”

I guess in any situation, even this one, has a lesson in it. Uh, I am sometimes so tired of these lessons, but what can I do? I am here to learn. Learn how to become a powerhouse, a heart centered woman who listens only to her heart, her soul. I am here to learn how to love and trust myself and only myself fully. I am here to become the master of my own life! 

And I think strongly, I am on my way 100 %!