IT'S NOT ABOUT ME AND IT'S ALL ABOUT ME

I have noticed already for a long time that people take things very personally. I did too of course before. I had to heal and deal with my feelings of guilt, self esteem and many other traumas before I was able to start to practice not taking things personally. It is not easy, but at least I am getting better in my practice. 

What I mean by this… Well, let me give you a few examples, so you will get a better picture. By the way, it looks like I am stepping in to the stage more now and Victoria and Roger are taking the back seat in a way. At least they are more than happy to let me “talk” (write and share my truth). 

“You go girl!”, they shout!

So, let’s do this. 

As a native Finnish person, I have found out that when I say to my fellow citizens that Finland is not my place to live, so many take it very personally. They take it as a criticism even though this is not at all what I mean. I am not criticizing my home country, quite the opposite. There are a lot of beautiful things in Finland that I appreciate a lot! We have things so well here that we sometimes forget how things are somewhere else.

If there would be a foreigner who would say that they don’t want to stay here, it would be totally normal. No one wouldn't even think about it, but just accept that this is how it is. But for me, I should never ever say that this country is not for me. People get very defensive! 

The same thing happens when I take my distance from people I feel I need to take distance from. Some people think that I consider myself perfect and that all the others are somehow less perfect. People think that I judge when I am just distancing myself for my own reasons. 

And this is where I have to say: “It is not about me, but it is all about me!”
If you take things personally, you still have some healing to do. If I take distance it is not that I don’t love you, but for the sake of my own well being and healing, I have to do it. This doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with the country or the people, but it is all about energy!

What kind of energy Finland is carrying. Is it supporting my being or not. That’s what it is all about. Not that there is something wrong in FInland. When someone takes this personally and starts to act very defensive, I let it be. This is a trauma response and I am tired of explaining myself over and over again. The energy behind judging and reflecting is totally different. 

If I take my distance from someone, it means that something in their energy is not aligned with mine. That’s all. It is not personal. We are just in a different place in our lives energetically. If I feel that there is any disrespect, lies, masks or mean sarcasm for example, I take my distance and love you from a far.

For so long I have been settling in my relationships and because I am very loyal, I allowed things to get so very bad, before I left. Because I was a people pleaser, it was easy to manipulate me feeling guilty. This has been so toxic to all of us! In these situations, I got angry and upset. These situations changed me into something I was not! It is not who I am or who I want to be and I hated it when I turned like this. 

The more I started to love and respect myself, the more aware I became of the energies around me. Let it be people, places, cities or even countries. I feel everything more than ever and this makes me avoid crowded places or other situations that are too much for me to handle. 

So if I tell you that Finland is not for me, this has nothing to do with criticism. It is just some energy here that is not supporting my growth and makes me feel small, so eventually I will be located somewhere where this can happen. If you take it personally or as a criticism, you have some healing to do. 

Same goes with people. I truly love all the people I have distanced myself from and I wish them nothing but the best. But. The first person I have to take care of is me. No one else will. So I distance myself and this is nothing personal. This is all about me and what is best for me. This also doesn’t mean that we can never be together, but the energy gap that is there right now, has to get less first. That’s all. 

When you start to work on yourself, when you start to do your inner work, your energy starts to shift. Of course. I am not the same person I was before. It is impossible. So the energy gap between the old and the new gets bigger. 

If I behave disrespectfully, then for sure, it is about me. But these days, I don’t. I don’t want to hurt anyone. It is nobody's fault. There is no blame or anger. We are just different and in a different place in our lives. So I just withdraw myself and wish all the best for all parties. 

So as you can see, it is not about me, but it is all about me. When things happen in my relationships, there might still be a split second that it stings, but very very quickly, I remind myself that it is not personal. It is not about me. Any reaction that we get, we personally have to sit with it and ask ourselves why did I react this way? I always do, but I can not control if anyone else does. So I keep practicing “not taking things personally” and allowing others to react as they do and take responsibility for their reactions. 

Just reflecting, not judging. Just taking care of myself, not criticizing anyone. Just taking my distance, not abandoning. Just doing me, as you do you. That’s all. I will NEVER EVER again sit in a box that somebody else defines for me. No no. No matter how uncomfortable it might make you feel. I am here to live my best life and only I can know how it looks like and how to create it. And this part, is all about me!