In Finnish: Testing testing
A few days ago, for the first time in a long while, I made a post on social media:
"The hardest thing in the world is to look in the mirror.
The easiest thing in the world is to blame others. It’s easy to think: "If only they hadn’t done that, or if they didn't do this, or if that person would just change themselves, then…".
Change doesn’t begin by waiting for the government or something else to change. It begins by looking in the mirror and changing yourself.
I cannot control what happens in the world, but I can control myself and my reactions. World peace begins with me. With my own inner peace.
True love truly doesn’t care about age, size, titles, or the thickness of a wallet. It knows no religion or political views. It does not control, manipulate, or set conditions. Love does not discriminate, label, judge, argue, lie, play games, fight, wage war, or hurt. Love accepts, respects, and is merciful. It considers others and lets all flowers bloom.
If I want to change this world, it begins with me. Not by blaming everyone and everything, but by looking in the mirror."
I made the post and stayed to observe my own reactions. Not anyone else’s, just mine. After all, I only have a few dozen friends on social media, so this had absolutely nothing to do with others. This was a test for myself, about myself, and it happened somewhat naturally. It was as if I just noticed myself writing and posting it without giving it much thought.
I’ve been away from social media for a long time, and I no longer feel much of a resonance with it. But now I wanted to try.
First of all, I noticed within myself that my own text felt somehow "blaming." Hmm, interesting! That led me to the question: "Why did I feel that way?" Is there still an old pattern inside me that thinks "everyone should think like me"? Do I still want to push others toward some kind of change? Did I actually blame others in my text?
YES! Absolutely amazing! I caught myself repeating this ancient pattern, which I now see so clearly and can finally let go of for good. I absolutely do not want to blame anyone for anything = I no longer want to blame myself for anything.
After that, I realized that the text was something the "old Saija" would have written. Still a few years ago, a text like this would have come straight from my heart. For years, I shared my inner journey and thoughts on social media, and I did it truly authentically, unfiltered. It was important for me to share my deepest feelings and insights and bring them into the light. Sometimes I go back and read my old posts, and I still wonder if I really knew how to write such wise things!
I read people's reactions and comments and think to myself, good for me! I have dared to be open and spark conversation! I’ve caused irritation, but I’ve also received a huge amount of encouragement.
Now it feels like that Saija has vanished into thin air. Quieted down. Gone silent. Shifted into the role of an observer. Those texts feel very distant. Old, perhaps because they are now self-evident things in my life, and because those matters have now been processed and healed.
I reread the text I posted a couple of days later. No, this isn't me anymore. It even made me smile a little, because a new kind of lightness wants to take up space inside me, and the text I wrote didn't resonate at all. In fact, it felt heavy, and I no longer want to be preaching about how people should live their lives. Let everyone do as they see best.
Yesterday, I decided to delete the post. The experiment was over, and removing the post felt like a relief. Whew, no more of this! However, this test showed just how much I have changed on the inside. The savior of the world has been buried. Isn't it enough that I saved myself?
Something magical is happening inside me. Something I have never experienced in my life before. I am like a computer where the old programming has been deleted and a new one is being downloaded. You can never get an old computer to be quite like a brand new one, but if you remove the old, heavy programming, of course, that computer becomes lighter, faster, and its performance improves.
Right now is not the time to think about social media and posts; the inner work continues. Now, however, it is the emergence of something new. Future creativity will no longer stem from a place of needing to heal, but from a love for doing "that something." I do it because it makes me happy. It doesn’t need to be a passion or a life mission, nor does it need to make money or build a massive business.
I know I love writing. I know I want people and this planet to be well. I know I love love and its power. I know the human mind fascinates me immensely. Letting go of the old and learning the new is so incredibly cool! My own emotional development is one of my passions.
The old Saija wanted to help people, and a part of me certainly shared her thoughts here on the blog and on social media for that reason too. I somehow thought that this growth in consciousness, this inner healing, and its wisdom could help others as well.
Now I think that if my motive were "helping others," it would be quite arrogant and self-indulgent. As if I somehow knew more about other people's lives than they do themselves. Or even that I was somehow "above" someone else. That I had some special knowledge that others don't.
I have no desire to be a "teacher or a coach."
Now I write because I love writing. I share my deepest thoughts because I love it, and I find it fascinating and interesting. They are my thoughts, my truths, and my values, but they don't need to be that for anyone else. If someone gets a new perspective from them, great, but I am writing my thoughts out for myself. Writing and opening up my thoughts comes naturally to me. It just happens when it happens, without thinking about it too much.
So, I thank myself once more for posting. Good heavens, what I learned from it and everything it opened up in me, just amazing! And I even had the nerve to delete it once it had served its purpose!
The test is now complete, and it went absolutely perfectly!
