GOOD PERSON VERSUS NICE PERSON

I am learning so much about relationships. These past few years it has been all about this or at least it feels like that. How blind have I been to my own behavior before and how differently I see things now. I must say that I have matured a lot!

Before it was so important to have lots of social contacts. It was very important to me to get along with everybody and the ammount of shit I have taken from others because of this. And don't get me wrong, the little draumatized girl in me, also was behaving badly. 

Before I might done things that hurt people and I was very aware about that factor. But my pleasure in that moment was more important then the shit I had to deal with afterwards. I had so little respect towards myself, so how could I have respected others?

Since the relationships have been the big deal lately, I have realized that people pleasing is a very toxic behavior pattern. Not only are you disrespecting yourself by pleasing others and bypassing shitty behavior, but people pleaser don't have any boundaries. A people pleaser cares about what others think too much and are very scared that someone gets angry at them and will not like them anymore. 

People pleaser has a very very low selfesteem. 

"A people pleaser personality means a person feels a strong urge to please others, even at their own expense. They may feel that their wants and needs do not matter and they can alter their personality around others." 

This is why a people pleaser can never be authentic and honest.

Being "mr nice guy" is more important then selfrespect and selflove. I was not aware at all how much this behavior hurt me. But now, one person at the time, the people in my life are teaching me to let go of this people pleasing behavior. When someone does something disrespectful to me, I feel it in my whole body! 

I can not "let it slide" anymore. Before I would have been scared to loose them, if I say something, but now, I don't care. I am the most important person in my life and if I don't stand up for me, who will? How can I expect loyalty from others, if I don't have it towards myself? I have to take care of me, as I expect others to care for me.

For me, a good person is someone who is not afraid to dive deep in their soul. They are willing to do the inner work, instead of repeating the same shit again and again. A good person might fuck up, but they are willing to learn,  take responsibility of their actions and have pure intention NOT to do the same mistake again. A good person is changing this world into more mature and loving place and this is something a people pleaser can never do! 

I remember this saying: "If you bow to a person in front of you remember, at the same time, you are showing your ass to another behind you." 

This to me, is people pleasing. You can not win! Someone will always get upset! There will always be drama and other bullshit. After you didn't have the guts to confront this one, but "you took their side", the other one gets angry, because you took the other ones side. Lot of backstabing and gossiping. Lot of behind someones back talks. Huoh. A very toxic and vicious circle! 

But if you aim to become a good person, you start from you. You think of your actions, before acting. You think of your words, before saying them. You choose wisely the people you want close to you. You will have their back, no matter what, just as they will have yours. No matter if someone gets angry or upset. No one will disrespect you or your family and friends! A good person truly values themselves and this means they truly value the people in their life. They don't betray, but stay loyal. People pleser can never do this. 

A good person loves and respects themselves a lot and this energy is spread to the environment and to everyone they meet. A good person don't create drama or hurt. People pleaser does. A good person knows how to set boundaries with clarity and truth, not by being mean or calling names or by blame. 

A good person takes this world forward with love and honor, not with power and force. Not by games and lies. But with authenticity, inner power, clarity, honesty and the biggest thing.... No bullshit from anyone! A good person teaches us to mature and stop playing small. 

If this whole world would learn how to be a good person instead of a nice person, this world would be a totally different place. 

Well, this is my goal! To become a good person! When I look at this world and I see the lack of awareness, it sometimes shocks me! How can we be so blind to our own behavior? How can we be so imature? How is it that we can not see that hurt people hurt people? But. I know that this was me before and all I can say is thank god my soul guided me to awaken to my own bullshit and it guided me to stop hurting me and from that hurt inner place, others. 

I know I am becoming a good person and for that I am very proud! It has not been easy, but the way I feel inside now I know, it was worth the pain and letting go's!