MY UNIQUE PATH FINALLY GOT TURNED ON

I have been having this flu now for almost two weeks. This is why I have been taking it easy. Relaxing, not much exercise, watching Netflix and sleeping. I really feel like this situation is a big, fat joke! Life has felt heavy, I am tired, feel like 100 years old with no joy or energy what so ever! I don't see people that much, I just want to be by myself. Isolation is the word of the day. I cry a lot and I know that these tears are the tears, I have never allowed myself to cry before. I am breathing, but not really feeling alive. 

What is interesting to me is, that I haven't really felt too much anxiety or frustration like I have before. I am just like "okey, this shit keeps going on again today, can't really bother to give a fuck anymore!" Just accepting that this is how life looks like at this moment. Not fighting against the situation. Actually, I have been managing this quite well, to be honest. And because it has been so heavy and confusing, all I can do is laugh. And cry. And watch some more Netflix. Thank god for Netflix!

"Oh love, I know this phase has not been easy for you", says Victoria (my soul, my higher self). "But if you think about it now, what is it that has changed?"

Hmmm...Well. To be honest, there are plenty! Let's start with exercise. I have always been crazy when it comes to exercise. I have been even cruel to my body, because of the external defenitions of how our bodies should look like. And now, my body is on strike! It just don't want to move. At all! No yoga, no weight lifting, no cardio, nothing. Maybe just long, slow walks, where I can enjoy the fresh air and nature. But that's all. I feel like all the beliefs that I have about my body, are falling away. I have been learning to love my "lovehandles", my saggy arms, my cellulite, all of it. 

Since I have always been so harsh on myself, my body has been stiff and hard too. Now, everything is changing. My body is getting softer, more juicier. What is interesting is, that I have not gotten that much more weight at all. I am learning how to love my body in this moment, just the way it is. Now, I am letting my body rest and recover from years of exercise abuse. And she (my body) is enjoying every minute of it! 

I know I will eventually learn new ways to take care of my body, but all the beliefs when it comes to food, exercise and other things I have heard from outside of me, are falling away. The only thing I can do, is listen to me.

"Yey!!!!", Victoria shouts. She is so happy to hear this. "Compassion, this is what you are finally showing to yourself. You couln't do it before, because there was nobody else there for you. Even still, you are on your own, but now, you have more trust, you are more relaxed, less controlling and more patient, so no need to push yourself anymore. Things will be fine. To be honest my love, our fairy tale is just starting!"

Oooo, I agree! I have followed so many "spiritual leaders" over the years and now, for the last couple of days, I have unfollowed them all. I care, but I don't. Today, as I was relaxing in the sofa, having my lunch, I heard Victoria wispering so clearly: "Today, your own unique path has been turned on."

I had to stop for awhile and I was like "what"?!?

Today, my own unique path has been turned on. It is time.

What does this mean?!?

"Love, do you remember, when earlier today, you told your friend, that it is time to "not to listen to other people stories"? That before they did inspire you, but now, that is not the case. You said that now, it is time to find your own story", says Victoria. 

I do! I was very passionate about this. It came out with such a power, that I even needed to call back to my friend and apologize. I respect everybodys journey and I have been following people who I have seen as forerunners. I have needed the guidance. But now, all of a sudden, all of these people and their stories or their directions, just drop away. I am finally ready to find out how my story unfolds! Oh my god, what a relief!!!

"Yes, this is so cool!!!!", shouts Victoria. "I have been waiting for this!!!! As you claim your own power back from the people you have been following, "the forerunners" so to say, you finally gave yourself and your team a permission to move forward. Remember when you said that you are done with healing? Have you noticed since then, that you really can not go back into very deep thoughts like before?"

Oh, actually this is true. I might feel something, but I haven't really been thinking about "why" anymore. The feeling just is and then it goes away. It is true. I haven't had that feeling of "I need to know why" anymore. I don't care. Past is past. I have dealt with it and the rest comes to my attention if needed. Victoria is right. After claiming that I am done with the healing, I just can't dig deep anymore. Cool!

"This is it!", says Victoria. "Today, you did the same. You claimed that you want to know what your own story looks like and this my love, openned the gates for you! It seems that as humans, you forget how fast the energy moves. So what seemed right yesterday, doesn't seem right today. So anything that has been thaught about this journey by the forerunners, has been true, 100 % for them, at that time. There might be similarities still, but now it is so important for all of the humans to understand, that you might be in the same energy wave, if I may call it that. But your journeys are yours. Unique. And really, no one can not say what your fairy tale looks like. Only we can. You, me and Roger (my ego). And today, you finally openned the gates. You gave us a permission to move forward and for this, me and Roger are so happy!"

Oh, me too. I feel different inside. It is even hard to explain it. All I know, that "the game is on", just because I was finally able to let go of anybody elses stories of how life should look like. From now on, it is about what we want and what is brought to us. Everybody has to follow their own paths how ever it looks like to them. 

It is a weird feeling to feel this shift. It is almost like somekind of switch got turn on all of a sudden. Oh my god! I am happy beond!!!!!! I almost lost my faith to be honest. I was sure that nothing will change, but what I feel now, is so exiting!! This is so interesting!!! All this inner work. So many fears and beliefs. So many tears. So much hurt. So much heaviness. So much being and accepting what is. Just surviving. For so long being a follower, instead of a leader. Wow! This is incredible! I am finally stepping into my own, unique story without listening to anybody else. 

I don't know what this means or what does it physically look like, but I can not wait! This is our (me, Victoria and Roger) fairy tale and finally I am able to claim it fully!