FEW QUESTIONS

I am so happy that a few days ago I got some questions about healing. I honestly thought that no one is reading this blog, yet that I would get asked questions. I am so excited about this! So, let me try to answer the best way I can and always always remember that this is my experience and you have yours. There might be similarities and resonance, but always trust your own feelings and intuition! 

First question:

1.  Does healing always have to go so deep?

Simple answer to this is, no it doesn’t have to, if it is not meant for you. For some reason it was meant for me. For me healing started a long long time ago and it has been a gradual journey. I did not plan it to go this deep. When I started my inner journey I was convinced that I would go to therapy, deal with my inner shit and then continue my everyday life. But for me it didn’t stop there. I had to go all the way in and so this is what happened. I think the last few years my healing journey has intensified. Have I felt like WTF, I still have to dig deeper? YES! Have I felt like this is a fucking never ending journey? YES! But I followed my soul and she led me to deep healing. 

Your journey and story might be very very different and it is perfect the way it is. But to be honest, as I saw this question I feel like you are already in the process of going deeper, but there is a bit of fear and resistance in you towards this and that is okay. You don’t have to move deeper into your being until and unless you are ready. I think healing will happen to you like it happened to me, without really deciding “to go deep”, but it just naturally went this way.

Healing doesn’t have to go so very deep, but as well as it might not, it might. However your healing journey is meant to happen trust that it will be just perfect for you and that it will happen in a paste that is perfect to you. Deep or not. 

2. How am I supposed to learn how to love everybody, no matter what they are doing, unconditionally? It seem impossible!

What a good question! I love it! I have been struggling with this one too. Let me try to explain how I look at this. 

The way I feel about this is that I have two ways to look at it: toxic love and light (old way) and healthy loving abroach (new, healed way). Let me start with how I look at this now after healing. 

The best way for me to start to answer this is by dividing myself in two parts: human Saija and soul Saija. Human Saija is here to heal her traumas, conditioning and beliefs. Soul Saija sees the bigger picture from a higher perspective. She is also the one who is connected to the earth as well as the Universe. 

When human Saija started her healing journey she needed to allow all the feelings to come out in therapy. She needed to feel all the pain, hate, anger, bitterness, sadness. Anything that was kept inside for years. For me, I needed to give faces to all these feelings so that I can really feel them and this way to let them go. I was not taking my pain out on them, but I needed to “hate” them for a while in order to heal. If you would have told me then to “just love them as they are”, I would have smacked you 😀. This phase of the healing was a very important part of the journey and I allowed myself to be mad, sad and angry. Not loving at all!

After this I learned bit by bit to set clear boundaries, to forgive, how to be there for myself, new values, new ways of being. I learned not to judge, but not to allow either. I learned how to protect myself and my space. I left behind people that were not good for me. I learned to forgive and forget. Today, the human Saija part of me doesn’t accept bad behavior, disrespect, violence, arguments, cheating, lies and so on. If she sees this in a person, she walks  away. Very simple. No need to fight or argue. Just walking away and staying silent. 

Then I have this other side of me, soul Saija and she saw all along, not the person who hurt me, but the pain this person was carrying. Trauma sees person whose hurting, healed heart sees the pain the person is carrying. Hurt people hurt people. Soul Saija saw the hurt they had gone through themselves. She was also able to see the bigger picture meaning that we all have our unique soul journey here on earth and that nothing happens here by accident. We are meant to meet certain people and go through certain events in order to learn and develop. And soul Saija was the one who could love all these people unconditionally no matter what had happened between us. 

As I learned to love and forgive myself the way I have hurt people because of my own pain, I started to learn to forgive to others. As I learned to unconditionally love "the broken parts of me", I was able to extend this love to others too.

So, as human Saija set clear boundaries, soul Saija was sending lots of love to all these people. Human Saija takes care of my human needs and makes sure that I am ONLY dealing with people that are good, kind and supportive to me. 

Soul Saija knows that when you truly heal yourself, you start to see the blessings of each painful situation. You start to understand that it all happened for a reason and for me that reason was to learn how to unconditionally love and support myself. And when I see the lesson in these events, how could I stay angry or bitter to these people who mistreated me? They are the reason I am where I am today! How could there not be just love towards these people who forced me to find my authentic self?

Then we have the second side to look at this question. The toxic pattern of love and light.

In a toxic version of “loving everybody” you allow the same people to hurt you over and over again. Or maybe it is not the same people, but the behavior patterns continue to be the same. Something like: “Why do I always pull in bad boys? Well, I will change him! With me he will finally be different”. You go back into the same kind of situations because of your own inner patterns and traumas. And instead of seeing this, you think that you can save others by loving them a little bit more and giving them a million chances to change. You keep “loving” them no matter what they do. This is not love, this is conditioning. 

Loving everybody as they are by making excuses for their behavior, is not healthy. Allowing toxic behavior is not love, it is enabling that behavior. 

Loving everybody after healing, but from a far, is healthy. I can not change others, but I can change myself. Healing and healthy boundaries help you to start to see the pain people carry instead of what they are doing. Soul Saija sees these little girls and boys in the world that have been abused and broken ever since they were small. And as she can show love to this little girl inside of herself who was so broken, so can she show love to these other broken (adult) children. 

So, to answer this question, I guess there are two ways to love all people. The healthy, healed way or the toxic way. 

By the way, even if soul Saija does not judge anyone or anything, it doesn’t mean that human Saija just accepts everything. I don’t accept hurting others, violence towards anyone and so on, I just don’t judge it. This world is so broken and it is full of all kinds of events that are hard to watch. Human side of me feels empathy and sympathy towards all of this and as a very sensitive person, I do have to distance myself from the outside world as much as I can and just keep going inwards towards my inner peace. The more I can concentrate on my own little life, the better and at peace I feel. 

Soul Saija sees the bigger picture and my part in all of this. 

Well, as with any topic, nothing is ever so black and white, but I hope I was able to give you clarity on how I see things. How I think. Please, always trust your own feelings and intuition. Whatever it is saying to you, it is always right in that moment. You are the guru of your own life and how our journeys look, is so unique. More and more we are coming out of “everybody has to think and feel the same” to uniqueness. 

Thank you so much for these questions! Loved them! Keep them coming!

Hugs,

Saija 😍