ROGER IS FEELING RESTLESS

Today Roger (my ego) has been so restless. It is just something that happens every now and then. Less often than before, but it happens. These situations are usually handled between Victoria (my higher self) and Roger, so my only job is to be present and observe. 

"I can't take this anymore!", Roger shouts. "Our life is just so boring! I don't know what to do to change it and this is bullshit! Every day is the same. Same, same, same. I don't want to exercise, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to go anywhere! I hate this! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!"

Me and Victoria can see that he is feeling very frustrated today. 

"It's okey, Roger", says Victoria. "You can feel what ever you feel. This is good. Let it all out!"

"I hate it when you say this", says Roger. "Why can't I be in charge sometimes? Why do you always have to decide what we are going to do and when?", he is shouting.

"Love, I don't have to. I really don't. That's the thing. We are in this together. What ever we decide to do, we will all stand behind that decision", says Victoria. 

I understand Roger. I think that it is sometimes hard. Make decisions or not to make them. You think and you think and yet, there is no answers. Or no action for that matter. I feel like sometimes I am affraid to make "the wrong" decision. 

"Yes!", shouts Roger. "This is how I feel! I want us to do something, but something is stopping us and I know it is you Victoria! This is all your fault!"

"I am sorry love, that you feel this way. My guidence is always based on what I feel we are ready for. I know it is not easy to be and to be, but things are not quite ready for us yet to move forward. I know it is very frustrating and life can feel boring. But could we look at this in a new way?"

"What if frustation is good! What if being bored is good?", she asks. 

Me and Roger stand here looking like question marks. What do you mean?

"As humans, ever since you are babies, you are thaught, that things have to "move forward". That boredom is bad. Or frustration. But this is not so. These feelings are coming from your old belief system, because you were told ever since you were small that you are not worthy, if you are not productive. This has caused you to believe, that you have to always reach higher, reach for more, instead of being happy with what you have in this very moment. Let me give you an example."

"There was this shop keeper, who started his business from the scratch. Bit by bit he was able to build the business into a solid one. He even started to make profit. He had good staff and good people around him. The quality of the store was high and the customers loved the shop. But because of his belief system, he could not truly enjoy his victory. Because victory it was for sure! No no. As soon as the profits started to come, he started to plan for a bigger shop. He wanted more. He wanted bigger! He wanted to be the best in town!"

"And so he took another loan, started the remodeling and extending the shop. The days were long and he was always at work. His wife and kids basically lived without him, but he couldn't see it. Well, you can quess how this story ends. He did end up without his family and the store got so big, that it was hard to handle. He was stressed over the matters of the shop. Always there was something. And the loan was so big, that trying to pay it, gave him an ulcer!"

"Humans always have to get more, try harder, be bigger and so on. This shopkeeper could have enjoyed his life fully with his family. Delegate his work to people he trusts and take vacations with his family. Enjoy fully the fruits of his labor. But because of the belief that "we always have to move forward or do better", he could not."

This is interesting, I think. It is true. This belief is still living deep inside of me. And this is why Roger is frustrated today. Because "we are not moving forward" or so it seems. 

"And this is the thing. Letting all these old beliefs go, so that we could enjoy each moment fully as it is. Because the truth is, we do only have this moment. We don't always have to force things to happen. We don't always have to be bigger or better. We are good enough just because we are alive! And this is something that I truly want our team to understand. That we can relax into this moment and trust that things "will move forward" when the divine timing is right. Until then, we are moving forward, but energetically and inward", says Victoria. "I am not keeping us "stuck" just because, but there is always a very good reason to my actions. After all, our team is here to learn, how to let ALL the beliefs and fears go. We are here to find who we truly are, not what we were told we are. And we can only get to this zero point by allowing. Allowing things to come up. Allowing us to feel anything that comes up. Allowing things to unfold naturally without controlling."

Oh my. Me and Roger are quiet. He knows these things already, but sometimes he just can't take it. And we tell him, that this is okey. The whole point is to let the frustration out. To feel it and then release it. It is the old mud that we don't want to carry anymore, so let him feel what he is feeling and that's it. 

For me, this "inner battle" can be tireing, but more and more, Roger is at peace and accepting things as they are. 

"And our talks help me a lot! After these talks, I feel so much more calmer, lighter and at ease", he says. 

We have a group hug, because we are so very proud of our team. He can have his fits, no problem. And we are learning to live moment by moment every day and thank god, most days we all feel okey with how things are now. After all, we have all we need. Getting to know the true me, is our teams job and it takes what it takes. And now, after this talk, we can relax into this knowing. All will be well and nothing that is meant for us, can not pass us by. But right now, we are here. In the candle light, having Mangos :o).