FORGET ABOUT SPIRITUALITY

This posts subject is something, I have been thinking and pondering for a while now. Victoria (my higher self) and Roger (my ego) are present, but this one, this is mine.

I saw a picture of me in my confirmation day. It jumped out from my Facebook feed yesterday. I was looking at this beatiful 15 year old girl and this brought up some thoughts about my "spiritual journey" that I have been in now for more than 13 years. Oh my! I am so tired of this word "spiritual". You know what, we are "spiritual" when we are born! If you are breathing, you are spiritual! You are a spirit and spirit can only be alive, if it is breathing. So if you are breathing, you are spiritual! The fact that we think that someone else is more spritual then another, creates a huge gap between each other and trust me, this truly is not "spiritual"!

Oh and yes! I have been there! Along my inner journey, I did put myself in pedestal. Seeing myself somehow more "spiritual" then others, because "they didn't get it". But thank god, I fell to my ass from that pedestal and this was the best thing that ever happenned to me!

I decided long time ago to jump into this inner journey. I wanted to get to know the Saija that I had never met. This is what is all about to me, get to know the authentic Saija, not about "spiritual journey". I WANTED to get to know me, because I knew, that the beliefs and thoughts that others had about me, were not the truth. I also wanted to understand why, time after time, I found myself in a similar situations with different faces. And this how it goes, if our traumas, fears and beliefs keep guiding us. Most of the time we don't even realize that this is happening. I know I didn't!

I don't know if you have had that experience, but these days, if I follow any "spiritual" writings or videos, I do get this image, like there is something wrong with me. It is almost like for 13 years I have been trying to change something in me, so that I wouldn't be so "bad". So that I wouldn't react, as I react. Or there has to be something wrong in me, if I am not in a ZEN-state all the time. Or if I can't manifest like others. There is this constant strive to be this super human without the whole human emotional scale. That we should always be positive instead of feeling what I am feeling. 

"Love, we needed these opposite sides to exist", says Victoria. "Humanity was and is still mostly, living in a fear based world. How we started to break this intensity of fear, was by creating the "over the top spirituality". This was the only way to start to balance the energy of the world from fear towards unity and love. Now, some of you are stepping out of this "spiritual" circles, because you are now your own leaders. We still need the opposites, but the scale is getting more and more balanced. But it is changing it's form. Before we could bybass some aspects of us, but now, the energies are kind of forcing us not to."

Yes, this is true and it is so very interesting! And I could still, for sure, isolate myself into this "bubble of spirituality" where I would be praying for light and love to humanity. Where I would repeat mantras and talk to my bussy. I could bury my head to the sand without facing the wrongs that are happening in the world. But this, to me, would be bypassing humanity. Bypassing life. And most of all, bypassing myself! In my own community I would't have to face the mirrows (people and life events), that I truly would need in order to really become free. 

If I would blindly follow some guru who would tell me how to live, how to be or what to eat, I could never step into my full power. If I would be living this way, I would give the reins of my life outside of me and this to me, is bypassing. It is running. Of cause there are many ways to run, like addictions. And for sure, it is easier to follow some guru, goverment or religion, because this way, if something goes wrong in your life, you can always blame that ourside source instead of taking full responsibility of your life and all parts of it.  

Truly, the only way towards oneself, is through. All the emotions. All the experiences. Feel the feelings you never knew you had or had tools to. Face the unfear events of your life and feel the pain they have caused. Let them finally come to be seen and cleared out of the body and mind. 

And suddenly, this huge pressure of constantly trying to change something in me, don't resonate to me at all. I accept. That's it! A word, that will change everything. I accept that I feel anxiety and this way, it will fade away much faster. I accept my joy, my lazyness, activity, the fact that I don't always know what to do and so on. I accept myself just the way I am and this way, I can accept others the way they are. I accept. Period. This is my "spiritual" lesson to you my lovies!

And as I have learned to know myself and after trying to change myself so much, the funny thing is, that my cord essence hasn't really changed at all!

What has changed is the knowing why I react to certain things the way I do. I now have the courage to draw clear boundaries and I can say no, if I don't want to. I can try crazy new things without thinking what others would say. My cord essence is filled with this childlike joy. I have a big, kind heart and I never want to hurt another. Through my own inner journey, I have learned to deal with my emotions so that I don't take it on others anymore. Inside of me lives this automatic respect towards everyone and everything. I no longer put myself down, but no one is above me eather. We are all born naked and equal. 

And the best thing is, that I am getting to know this genuine, authentic Saija day by day better never before. I am so proud of this beautiful woman and yes! I am not affraid to say it out loud!

This is what life is all about. Just this. Loveliness, anxiety, laughter and crying. Beautiful feelings and less beautiful feelings. Nicer events and less nice events. I am here to learn about me every day through others and through different events. When you get curious about life and about yourself, life somehow gets ligher. This is not so serious! We are the ones who create unnecessary presures to ourselves without even realising it.

Bit by bit I have been clearing my social media from posts that make me feel, like there would be something wrong with me. Or where they tell me that I am the biggest obsticle in my life. I don't read books anymore and I don't watch vidos that much. I already have all I need inside of me. I just need to trust this. Only I can know what is best for me and if I take my attention outside of me, I feel so bad that I come straight "back home" to me and talk to Saija. 

And now, I don't want to judge any of the "spiritual" materials and teachers I have been following! Oh no. Without them I wouldn't be so fully in my own power. So I am very very thankful of all of them. 

It is just time to start to question things that are fed to us. No matter "spiritual" or "non spiritual". I want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. You are already spiritual when you were born! But. If you want to get to know the true you, I salute you! I cheer for you. I encourage you to stand with your own two feet and to trust your own vision of how you want your life to be. This is your journey, not anybody elses! 

The most worst enemies in my inner journey have been people pleasing and not creating clear boundaries. Each time I listen to others or do things just because someone else wants me to, I am stepping away from my inner power, from my center. 

So. I don't listen tips on how to dress. I don't listen tips on how to eat. I don't listen on how often I should exersize. Aaaaaand, I don't follow the Kardashians. Noup. I DO ME! My body is wise enough to tell me what it needs in each moment and inside of me, there is this power that knows when to stop to listen to these messages. My heart (Victoria) has taken over and it doesn't make any sence to fight against it. And yes, Roger (my ego) tries sometimes for sure! But for me, this is the best ever!

We are all unique and what ever suits for someone else, does not suit you. Only you can know what is best for you! If my team could give you one advice, it would be a question: "How do you feel?! If you do this, how do you feel? If you say this, how do you feel? This is the biggest guide for me at this moment. Nothing, to me, is a must. I shoulnt', but I want. If something or someone makes me feel anxiety, I don't, because then, I would be people pleasing, instead of listening to me. I would be stepping out of my own power. 

To hear oneself and putting oneself first, takes a lot of courage and yes, you will piss a lot of people on the way. But if they get pissed, isn't it their responsibility to deal with it?

Just be and do you. Do you have the courage?