WHAT BEAUTY LOOKS LIKE
Today I want to talk about beauty and how I see it. Even after all these years of inner work, it is hard for me to see my own beauty. I accept my body fully with all its juiciness, but my face…. Well, “Houston, we have a problem!”
Beauty to me, is all of us being as natural as we can be! These days, I see makeup as a cover, so that we can not see the real beauty that lies under that makeup. Being this open and fresh, is a vulnerable place to be! When you are not wearing “a mask of make up”, the real you will be seen fully! When did we start to think that botox, fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake tits, fake asses, all fake, is beautiful?!? How did we get so lost and so far away from our own beauty?!? Now, it is all about FAKE, FAKE, FAKE! Beauty to me is not only looks. It is how you behave and how you treat others. Beauty is an inner light that shines so brightly when you fully own all of who you are. To me, this is real beuty.
Well, I am not judging anyone or anything. That is not my job. The only thing I am happy about is the fact that I am finally able to see my own beauty. Or more, my own uniques. I don’t need anything fake to hide it. I don’t need to hide myself anymore. I am proudly who I am and I carry myself with dignity and grace. It doesn’t matter if others see my uniqueness or not, it is enough that I see it. And I love it! I love my unique face!
“Good for you love!”, shouts Victoria and Roger (my ego). “We are so so so happy, you finally see yourself as we see you! This is a big deal!”
For sure, it was! This was for sure, a big win for me and a big step towards my freedom!
I really really don’t know from where this belief has come from that my face is not beautiful. And for sure, I am no Barbie, but I know I am beautiful in my own unique way. But when I look at my face, I just don’t see it. And how I have dealt with this is that I accept that I don’t see it.
But the Universe had a plan for me to face this belief!
I got a call from a friend who said that this agency is looking for women my age to model for their campaign and she had judgested me! My first reaction was laughter! Me?!?! Are you serious?!?! And then…. Wooooh! This huge fear hit me like a baseball racket!
But the Universe had a plan for me to face this belief!
I got a call from a friend who said that this agency is looking for women my age to model for their campaign and she had judgested me! My first reaction was laughter! Me?!?! Are you serious?!?! And then…. Wooooh! This huge fear hit me like a baseball racket!
So I needed to get out of the house and to the woods to get some fresh air. And as soon as I got to the woods, I collapsed! I got a huge panic attack and I started to cry from so deep within, that I have not cried like that for the longest time! So there I was, on my knees, sobbing. And Victoria (my soul), kept repeating: “just breath, just breath”. And so I did. What the hell has happened to me when it comes to my beauty? This kind of reaction was huge to me.
“This is something, you don’t need to wonder or think about”, says Victoria. “If you are meant to know why, we will let you know. This is how the new healing looks like. Before, you needed to know why you felt something and then you would have to dig deep to get to the root cause of your trauma. And the souls who are just starting their healing journey, they will start with identifying the trauma and from where it came from. But for you, now, when a fear, belief or trauma comes to the surface, you just have to feel it. Just like you did. There is no need to go to the past to try to find answers. It is not relevant. What is, is that this trauma has been seen and felt and it can now leave the body.”
Okey, wau! This is new information! But I am actually happy about it, because for me, the past is in the past and I don’t even feel like looking back. And to be honest, I am very okay with not knowing.
So what happened after my breakdown?
I went for a long walk. I enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air and I was surprised how fast the panic attack was gone! It only lasted a few minutes and after, I felt so much lighter. The issue was gone! I wasn’t even thinking about it anymore, but I got back into the present moment and kept on walking. After, I got home. My friend came to take the pictures, so that I could send them into this model agency and we had so much fun! I was laughing so much that water started to pour from my eyes! The photoshoot took 20 minutes!
Next day, I got the pictures and I sent them to the model agency. The funny thing here is that in those pictures, I did not have any makeup. My hair was not perfectly done, because I had my walk and I had to wear a hat. I have not exercised for a while, because my body has refused to, so I am not in a perfect shape at all. And yet, I was chosen for the second round! I got the mail just a few hours after I sent the photos to the agency!
“This is something, you don’t need to wonder or think about”, says Victoria. “If you are meant to know why, we will let you know. This is how the new healing looks like. Before, you needed to know why you felt something and then you would have to dig deep to get to the root cause of your trauma. And the souls who are just starting their healing journey, they will start with identifying the trauma and from where it came from. But for you, now, when a fear, belief or trauma comes to the surface, you just have to feel it. Just like you did. There is no need to go to the past to try to find answers. It is not relevant. What is, is that this trauma has been seen and felt and it can now leave the body.”
Okey, wau! This is new information! But I am actually happy about it, because for me, the past is in the past and I don’t even feel like looking back. And to be honest, I am very okay with not knowing.
So what happened after my breakdown?
I went for a long walk. I enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air and I was surprised how fast the panic attack was gone! It only lasted a few minutes and after, I felt so much lighter. The issue was gone! I wasn’t even thinking about it anymore, but I got back into the present moment and kept on walking. After, I got home. My friend came to take the pictures, so that I could send them into this model agency and we had so much fun! I was laughing so much that water started to pour from my eyes! The photoshoot took 20 minutes!
Next day, I got the pictures and I sent them to the model agency. The funny thing here is that in those pictures, I did not have any makeup. My hair was not perfectly done, because I had my walk and I had to wear a hat. I have not exercised for a while, because my body has refused to, so I am not in a perfect shape at all. And yet, I was chosen for the second round! I got the mail just a few hours after I sent the photos to the agency!
So again, I was in front of my fears, because I had to make a video introduction. And again, all natural. No make up, no fixed hair. Just yoga leggings, a top and me! This time, I did not get panic attacks nor was I too nervous. We put the camera rolling and did it. And we got the video done at first shot!
It is not that important to me, if I am not chosen for the photoshoot, but this happened to me, so that I can finally let go of this core belief that I am not beautiful. It truly was about the journey, the experience and the release more then the outcome. I get it or don't get it, it really doesn't change my world in any way. So it seems, that I am in a good place inside, since nothing from outside, can "rock my world" anymore! For me this is hugeee!
It is not that important to me, if I am not chosen for the photoshoot, but this happened to me, so that I can finally let go of this core belief that I am not beautiful. It truly was about the journey, the experience and the release more then the outcome. I get it or don't get it, it really doesn't change my world in any way. So it seems, that I am in a good place inside, since nothing from outside, can "rock my world" anymore! For me this is hugeee!
This also opened my eyes to see what beauty looks like to me.
Beauty to me, is all of us being as natural as we can be! These days, I see makeup as a cover, so that we can not see the real beauty that lies under that makeup. Being this open and fresh, is a vulnerable place to be! When you are not wearing “a mask of make up”, the real you will be seen fully! When did we start to think that botox, fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake tits, fake asses, all fake, is beautiful?!? How did we get so lost and so far away from our own beauty?!? Now, it is all about FAKE, FAKE, FAKE! Beauty to me is not only looks. It is how you behave and how you treat others. Beauty is an inner light that shines so brightly when you fully own all of who you are. To me, this is real beuty.
Well, I am not judging anyone or anything. That is not my job. The only thing I am happy about is the fact that I am finally able to see my own beauty. Or more, my own uniques. I don’t need anything fake to hide it. I don’t need to hide myself anymore. I am proudly who I am and I carry myself with dignity and grace. It doesn’t matter if others see my uniqueness or not, it is enough that I see it. And I love it! I love my unique face!
“Good for you love!”, shouts Victoria and Roger (my ego). “We are so so so happy, you finally see yourself as we see you! This is a big deal!”
For sure, it was! This was for sure, a big win for me and a big step towards my freedom!
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