WHEN THE OLD DIES, NEW IS BORN!

The beginning of the year has been hard. I am not going to lie. In 2008 when I went to my first therapy session, I never knew, that this journey would take me so deep. My idea was that I deal with my traumas and then I will live happily ever after without the old baggage on my shoulders. Well, how wrong was I!

Victoria (my higher self) and Roger (my ego) are here with me tonight, so we can talk about this some more. 

I never knew how much baggage I was carrying, I say.

"Love", Victoria says. "How could you have know. Everybody is in their own unique journey in this lifetime and some have many lives, some are here on earth for the first time. Some carry more then some and not all are willing to look their inner world. This is perfectly okey, because it was meant to be like that then. But you, my love, you are one of the brave ones. This is not to say that others are not, but for us, for me and Roger, you are a hero". 

Roger takes my hand and kisses me on the cheek. "I have to agree", he says. "What I put you through, oh. It makes me want to cry sometimes. It is just that I always need to know, so I can prepare and if I don't, I panic!"

We know and we don't blame him at all. This is his job and to be honest, we are all learning this new way of being. "How do you feel, my love", asks Victoria.

Today I have been tired. Today I felt this huge mercy on myself. You know, ever since I was born, I don't think I was that much wanted. Not that my parents did not love me, it is just that they were dealing so many things themselves that I was just too much. Also the fact that I was born with a disability and spend my first weeks and months in the hospital, was a lot to my parents. So not only was there a new born, but she also almost died after delivery and then it was another thing to fix her disability. This was a lot and for sure, my mom started to distant herself from me, because there was a change of loosing me. 

So, I was born to this energy of "I am a burden. I am not wanted. I am to blame." I never knew how much this has affected me all my life. 

"Yes, this is true", says Victoria. "Love, now you can see that this was one of the reasons for your safety issues, your lack of self confedence, your self worthiness, your fear of abondonment and so on. This is a huge burden to carry."

Yes, it was. At the beginning of this week, I was sick. I was throwing up like crazy and even got fever. I was out for two days! But after that, my mind and body felt lighter. I felt like after all this heaviness of last months, had suddenly been lifted off of my shoulders!

 "All this old, heavy energy, had to be cleansed from your body", says Victoria. "There is so much energy that you have been carrying that is not yours. From past lifes, from you ancestors and so much from this life. Now you understand why it would have been impossible to clear everything in a short ammount of time. It would have killed you. Your body could have not taken it. And one important thing! As your being gets lighter, the earths energy gets lighter and this is big! This is creating the new earth!"

Aaaah, all this is sooo interesting to me!!! I never ever knew that I would learn so much in this life time! I am so excited!! How many times I have thought that now I am done with healing, but same topics keep coming up. More info from the past keeps coming up. More cleansing. More releasing. More digging in. Getting to know my dark side, learning how to love it as much as I love my light side. More and more of "letting go". And now, I am truly practising my new ways of being. I am amazed about the process.

"I feel like I don't have a say in any matter anymore", says Roger. Well, this is actually quite true, me and Victoria laugh. 

"The more you release the old beliefs, fears and the density from your body, the lighter things get. This means that you are changing in a cellular level. There energies on earth at this time, are pushing everything to the surface. Bit by bit the old ways are dying and the new is born", says Victoria.

I can relate to this fully! I can not plan. I can not worry. I can not control. I can not think too much. I am allowing. inviting, flowing. As I clear my inner being, my energy changes. 

"Yes love, just like this", says Victoria. "What ever you see in your life, is a straight forward mirrow of yourself. The people, the events, everything."

Yes, I agree. And now I am so clear with my boundaries. I know how I want to be treated and I also know how I want to treat others. I also start to understand that my vibration invites things into my life. I don't have to push, control or try. Suffer. 

"Yes, if I explain it easily, you basically tune your inner radio into the right frequency and what ever, who ever is in that same frequency, will come to you. Will be brought to you", says Victoria. 

Yes! I start to understand it. If I try the old ways of being, I feel it in my whole body and it is not a nice feeling. So I have to let the old die, so the new can truly be born. This takes a lot of courage and trust!

"Yes love", says Victoria. "You are very brave. Not only were you able to clear your inner world, day after day. Month after month. Year after year. But now, you have to learn these new ways of living and these are not yet acknowledged by this world. The role of a forerunner is not easy, but you are doing amazing! And things are turning around very fast, so that the energy of the earth, of the Universe, will support this new way of living more and more."

Well, it is all about love. All about oneness. All about humanity. Through out the history of human kind we have seen that the old way is not working. Love is the cure. Not fear. Things have to change in this world and this is what I am here for. I never knew that my role would be this big in this life time and I am honered to be one of the new earth beings. It has not been easy for sure, but if healing my inner world brings more peace and love to this earth, if my inner healing brings more unity to this world, then I am all for it. I will not give up, no matter what.

New earth is here and I am all in!