NOTHING TO SHARE
Lately I have been wondering why is it, that I don't have nothing to share anymore? I feel like all my creativity, my words, my tallents, my connection to my guides and to my inner wisdom is gone! I want to write (yes!), because I love it. I used to shared a lot. I mean A LOT! I had different groups in Facebook. I have an Instagram account and I had a blog before this one. I created this blog so that I can keep on writing and creating. But it seems, that nothing wants to flow out. Nothing. Total silence.
I am used to share. Not only through my writing, but also talking. I have been very "blue eyed" when it comes to people and I have shared my life openly when ever and to whom ever. This includes sosial media. This has caused me a lot of joy, but a lot of pain too. Now, for the first time in my life, I don't have nothing to say. No words to share, no words to write. I am very careful with who I share and what. It feels like my openness is gone! Oh, I need my crew!
"What is going on Victoria (my higher self)?", I ask.
"What if for once I don't give you answers, but you tell me. Why do you think this is so? I know you know what is going on", she giggles.
That is true. As I sit with this for a while, for sure, information starts to flow in.
First of all, for me sharing was cleansing. Do you know the feeling when you have been eaten something bad and you have to throw up. This is what sharing did to me. It was like I was throwing up my old beliefs and fears. And as I shared my thoughts, I was realising a lot of old shit. Things got more clear in my head. The best thing is that when I am sharing my thoughts with a loving person, we always get so much both ways. So yes, cleansing was one part of it.
Second, I needed to share myself so openly, because only through that, I was able to get other people's comments. Why did I need this? Because there was so much old beliefs and fears, old programming in me. So why did I need others? Well, through their reactions I was able to reflect those beliefs and fears. These comments were just a mirrow to my old programming.
"Can you give an example love?", says Victoria.
Well, let's say, that after seeing a comment, I felt guilty. So I needed to sit with this and see from where this feeling is coming from. And I have to say, that always, I mean always, all the roads they lead to my childhood. There are so many things we observe even as babies already, that it is amazing! After becoming aware of why I felt guilty, I just had to "work with it". Sit with it, allow that feeling to be seen and felt and then forgive and let go of it.
So I needed to share my cleansing journey, because I needed mirrows to my old programming. Cool!
Third point is the fact, that I needed to be seen. Not by others, but by me. Fully. For me, this happened through sharing. The more openly and authenticly I was able to share, the better. Nothing to hide! The more openly I shared, the more I became visible to me. The weird thing is, that the more I became visible to me, the less I felt the need to share!
So here I am. Thinking of all the wisdom that I got out of my cleansing journey and now, I just don't feel like sharing anything. I am more careful of to whom I share my life and when and where. I feel like I am an empty canvas with nothing to say. I have lost all my interest to others at this point. I just don't care that much what people do in their lives. Let them live it as they feel fit to them. No need to change anyone or anything. No need to preach about the invironment or about the importance of ones inner work. I just don't care. At this point, I care about me. How to make my life more fun? Waiting for new places and people to enter. I am fully concentrated on me.
"Oh love, I am so happy to hear this", says Victoria. "You don't need to worry about sharing at all! This is normal process! You are not the same person you were. And you are learning about you every day. Why would you have to share anything at this point? You have "burned away" the old programming and learning to be this new person, in this new way. How beautiful is this?" I have to agree.
"Your wisdom has not disappeared. It is there. And you will share again, when the time is right. There is no rush. And maybe you will find other ways of sharing too, you never know! Everything is changing so rapidly, that we just have to be and see", Victoria continues. "You just love yourself enough now to understand, that you don't need others approval on how to live your life. You love yourself enough now to have boundaries with who you want to share your deepest feelings with. This is the inner wisdom. Trust the flow of your life. There is nothing wrong to enjoy this privacy, that you haven't experienced before. You are allowed to be quiet. You are allowed to pull away from sosial media. You don't have to share anything with anyone, if you don't want to", Victoria says.
This feels good to me. I had this pressure of sharing, because I had this (yet another) belief, that I was here for a mission. To change the humanity by sharing my life and writings. And maybe it is so. But for now, I am not there.
So I take this pressure out of my shoulders and continue my private being. It is okey to get to know me. This new me. By myself. It is okey, not to care about the outside world for a while. It is okey to pull out from sosial activities and sosial media. And of cause I share. I share every day, but now I am more aware of to who I want to share and what. I don't need mirrows to my old programming anymore. Now I want mirrows of my self love. And I know very well who these people are. And to them, yes, I share!
I also have been a trigger for many people for a long time just by living my life. When I posted something on Facebook, someone or many got triggered. Some left, some took distance. And this is a very normal reaction when you have not cleared your inner fears yet. It is very normal reaction when you don't take full responsibility of your own inner process. Now, I just don't need these kinds of mirrows either anymore. Now it is time to give myself a break and allow myself to be surrounded with people, who take responsibility of their own processes instead putting their shit on me. I am done with this for a while. As much as I need a break from sosial media, I also need this.
I am quite enjoying this new me and this new privacy. And now the motive behind this is only self love. Meaning that I am not sharing because I am scared of being open, authentic or being seen by others. When and if the time comes for sharing, I don't have any problem with it. But for now, I dedicate this time for me and my privacy and this feels very good!
I am used to share. Not only through my writing, but also talking. I have been very "blue eyed" when it comes to people and I have shared my life openly when ever and to whom ever. This includes sosial media. This has caused me a lot of joy, but a lot of pain too. Now, for the first time in my life, I don't have nothing to say. No words to share, no words to write. I am very careful with who I share and what. It feels like my openness is gone! Oh, I need my crew!
"What is going on Victoria (my higher self)?", I ask.
"What if for once I don't give you answers, but you tell me. Why do you think this is so? I know you know what is going on", she giggles.
That is true. As I sit with this for a while, for sure, information starts to flow in.
First of all, for me sharing was cleansing. Do you know the feeling when you have been eaten something bad and you have to throw up. This is what sharing did to me. It was like I was throwing up my old beliefs and fears. And as I shared my thoughts, I was realising a lot of old shit. Things got more clear in my head. The best thing is that when I am sharing my thoughts with a loving person, we always get so much both ways. So yes, cleansing was one part of it.
Second, I needed to share myself so openly, because only through that, I was able to get other people's comments. Why did I need this? Because there was so much old beliefs and fears, old programming in me. So why did I need others? Well, through their reactions I was able to reflect those beliefs and fears. These comments were just a mirrow to my old programming.
"Can you give an example love?", says Victoria.
Well, let's say, that after seeing a comment, I felt guilty. So I needed to sit with this and see from where this feeling is coming from. And I have to say, that always, I mean always, all the roads they lead to my childhood. There are so many things we observe even as babies already, that it is amazing! After becoming aware of why I felt guilty, I just had to "work with it". Sit with it, allow that feeling to be seen and felt and then forgive and let go of it.
So I needed to share my cleansing journey, because I needed mirrows to my old programming. Cool!
Third point is the fact, that I needed to be seen. Not by others, but by me. Fully. For me, this happened through sharing. The more openly and authenticly I was able to share, the better. Nothing to hide! The more openly I shared, the more I became visible to me. The weird thing is, that the more I became visible to me, the less I felt the need to share!
So here I am. Thinking of all the wisdom that I got out of my cleansing journey and now, I just don't feel like sharing anything. I am more careful of to whom I share my life and when and where. I feel like I am an empty canvas with nothing to say. I have lost all my interest to others at this point. I just don't care that much what people do in their lives. Let them live it as they feel fit to them. No need to change anyone or anything. No need to preach about the invironment or about the importance of ones inner work. I just don't care. At this point, I care about me. How to make my life more fun? Waiting for new places and people to enter. I am fully concentrated on me.
"Oh love, I am so happy to hear this", says Victoria. "You don't need to worry about sharing at all! This is normal process! You are not the same person you were. And you are learning about you every day. Why would you have to share anything at this point? You have "burned away" the old programming and learning to be this new person, in this new way. How beautiful is this?" I have to agree.
"Your wisdom has not disappeared. It is there. And you will share again, when the time is right. There is no rush. And maybe you will find other ways of sharing too, you never know! Everything is changing so rapidly, that we just have to be and see", Victoria continues. "You just love yourself enough now to understand, that you don't need others approval on how to live your life. You love yourself enough now to have boundaries with who you want to share your deepest feelings with. This is the inner wisdom. Trust the flow of your life. There is nothing wrong to enjoy this privacy, that you haven't experienced before. You are allowed to be quiet. You are allowed to pull away from sosial media. You don't have to share anything with anyone, if you don't want to", Victoria says.
This feels good to me. I had this pressure of sharing, because I had this (yet another) belief, that I was here for a mission. To change the humanity by sharing my life and writings. And maybe it is so. But for now, I am not there.
So I take this pressure out of my shoulders and continue my private being. It is okey to get to know me. This new me. By myself. It is okey, not to care about the outside world for a while. It is okey to pull out from sosial activities and sosial media. And of cause I share. I share every day, but now I am more aware of to who I want to share and what. I don't need mirrows to my old programming anymore. Now I want mirrows of my self love. And I know very well who these people are. And to them, yes, I share!
I also have been a trigger for many people for a long time just by living my life. When I posted something on Facebook, someone or many got triggered. Some left, some took distance. And this is a very normal reaction when you have not cleared your inner fears yet. It is very normal reaction when you don't take full responsibility of your own inner process. Now, I just don't need these kinds of mirrows either anymore. Now it is time to give myself a break and allow myself to be surrounded with people, who take responsibility of their own processes instead putting their shit on me. I am done with this for a while. As much as I need a break from sosial media, I also need this.
I am quite enjoying this new me and this new privacy. And now the motive behind this is only self love. Meaning that I am not sharing because I am scared of being open, authentic or being seen by others. When and if the time comes for sharing, I don't have any problem with it. But for now, I dedicate this time for me and my privacy and this feels very good!
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